Trashing the 'Nati....

I take offense with our new writers trashing of Chicago. In his screed he writes that Cincinnati is an infinitely superior place and far more deserving place to be credited with "Midwestern toughness." This is total bunk as far as I'm concerned. Cincinnati is a symbol of just about everything that is wrong with America.

Let's start with the assertion that Cincinnati has cheaper housing. That's because Cincinnati leads the nation with the fastest declining population in the United States. And personally, having lived there, I can't blame them. (http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2004/06/24/loc_loc1acensus.html) This is a place with a crumbling infrastructure and such unbending 'conservatism' that the city fails to innovate and does nothing but breed corruption and in the case of the Cincinnati police department breeds hate and racism by continuing killing innocent blacks on whimsical charges, which isn't a good thing to do in a place where the Klan is still rampantly active and amazingly gets permission to have a Christmas display in Fountain Square. (http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/04/17/cincinnati.next/)
(http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2000/10/11/loc_kkk_seeks_permit_for.html). I don't know about you but that sounds like just the sort of environment I would want to live in.

Then the charge that the women are hotter? Are you kidding? If you like your women without most of their teeth and are 'Appalachian looking' then, yeah, Cincinnati, is exactly the place for you. According to Forbes who rated the 40 largest cities in America as the 'Best Places for Singles' Chicago rated a very solid #11, Cincinnati finished #39, with only Pittsburgh rated lower. I think Keokuk, Wichita Falls and Fargo would've beat them too if they had been large enough to make the list. (http://www.forbes.com/singles2004/LIR2506.html?passListId=3&passYear=2004&passListType=Misc&uniqueId=2506&datatype=Misc) In terms of culture, nightlife, the arts, or something fun to do about town no matter what mood you're in, Chicago ranks right up there with New York, London, Paris and Barcelona as a hub of culture. Yes, Chicago is more expensive, more people want to live here. Alcohol is more expensive, but sales taxes drive the great roads, great public service and public transit systems and the attraction of top talent to the Windy City keeps Chicago as a cauldron of corporate growth. As per cigarette bans, I mean, its illegal to smoke on the beach now. In Ireland, you can't smoke in a pub. In New York the smoking ban has been met with ZERO resistance because restaurant revenues have continued to increase. Chicago with its great restaurants and pubs will experience no slough from being unable to infect people with toxic chemicals at a bar.

As per the Cincinnati Bengals, owners of the ugliest uniforms in sports, I applaud Marvin Lewis' job he's done with this previously moribund franchise. But to call out Cubs fans is ridiculous. Name another club who could lose 90 games and draw nearly 3 million people. The Cubs are the third biggest draw on the road (only the Yanks and BoSox draw more people to the stadium) and are universally loved. The Cubs are a symbol of hope, of waiting on the shore, believing that the Big Win will come before we turn to dust. They are beacons of hope. Not pessimism, I mean really, go to Wrigley Field, one of the most welcoming, friendliest places on earth, you'll have a blast. Go to Cincinnati's decrepit waterfront and experience some of the basest people in the world hurling insults at everyone but the guy who puts cheese on the nachos. Family fun all around!

In sum, Cincinnati would be better off being bulldozed and starting all over again because whatever would be put there would have to be better, even if it was just a giant crater in the ground. Chicago, by contrast, is a mecca for culture, for inspiration and for a great education. After all Mr. Nati, if Cincy is such a great place, why did you choose to attend medical school here? (Answer: Only Boston has better educational institutions than Chicago. UChicago, Northwestern, The Art Institute of Chicago are all here. Cincinnati has, by contrast, the University of Cincinnati, a great place to get pistol-whipped,...or worse and a fine bastion of educational values. Like having flyers that victimize black students at the University of Cincinnati. (http://forums.sohh.com/showthread.php?t=575092)(http://www.wkrc.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=35EC1868-E918-420D-94EE-D5BB2E614D80)

In sum, I think our fine writer here has probably been smoking peyote for six straight days and that most of this is probably in his mind. Because only in a 'Cat in the Hat' universe where down is up could Cincinnati ever be considered in the same universe as a true bastion of Midwestern values as Chicago.

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