I'm Your Vehicle, Baby

Some people are especially unlucky to have their birthday coincide with a holiday ("So is this for Christmas or for my birthday? Both, huh? Thanks, jackass."). Some just have birthdays on any old boring day. The truly lucky, like myself, have the fortune of being born on a semi-holiday, a date commemorating some important historic event, especially when it reflects their personality. My friends get irritated when I brag about this, but my pride is more important than my friends.

The 15th (Ides) of March has not been kind to dictators. Everyone knows Julius Caesar was assassinated on this date, of course. But so too died Cao Cao, China's most infamous usurper, after being terrified by the ghost of his nemesis Guan Yu. And the last Tsar of Russia, Nicholas II, abdicated his throne on 3/15/1917. (So not all of these are good things...)

I encourage you, my friends, to celebrate my birthday the way it was meant to be. If you can depose a despot, be my guest. Since there aren't enough despots to go around, though, I suggest instead that you make like Brutus and betray a close friend (more specifically, any friend but me). That's how I like to celebrate it. Nothing big, of course; ditch him at a restaurant with the check, or post her naked pictures on the internet. Like I said, nothing big.

I'd also like to give a shout-out to my favorite president and birthdate-kin, Andrew Jackson. I'm tippin' a forty fo' ya, Ol' Dirty Hickory!