Are You A Naptown Rida?

Just like the picture above, my trip to Indianapolis was two thirds all good fun, and one third complete ridiculousness. Lots of drinking, partying, and way too much sun.

Things get started early on Thursday night/Friday morning when I get into town and I have to pick up my buddy LilDaddy from the bar so he can stay at my other friend TheSteamer's place. These guys are both in my fraternity, and they understand drinking is a way of life for us - but people I have been driving for eight straight hours, plus my day started at 8am that morning. Drinking raspberry vodka and Early Times bourbon until 8am just wasn't a part of the game plan. Yet, we did drink crap until 8am, then went to breakfast at Cafe Patachou (one of the top ten breakfast cafes in the country), and then we went to the Sheraton in search of bloody mary's. We failed to find any, but we did meet a strange looking MILF who LilDaddy put some impressive game on. He didn't get the number, but I was happy because I got to pass out an hour later. It's a good thing too - because strange things were happening until then.



Friday late night was devoted to Tiki Bob's, one of the raunchiest club's in Indy. Compare it to Tropix in Minneapolis, the discotec portion of Morgan Street in St. Louis, or a larger version of Twisted Taco in Atlanta. Tiki Bob's has two major differences about it compared to these other venues.

• Most of the music is exclusively from the mid-1990s. Now some will say most music after that time sucks anyway, but its worth pointing out.
  
• There are some really attractive women at Tiki Bob's, and there are some really ugly women at Tiki Bobs. And both types are on the dance floor. At one point I was trying to get to a cute blonde blocked by some large women and I felt like I was navigating through a naval shipyard. Somehow, they were always dancing with a reasonable if not trashy looking guy. One exception was two 300+ lb women dancing with a short 100+lb deformed looking brunette in between them. Once I stopped laughing I felt this strong urge to ask if she needed help...

I was at Taco with LilDaddy, TheSteamer and his girlfriend. Outside LilDaddy puking near Steamer's car before 10:30pm - nothing was too eventful until about 1:45pm. By this point I was in a daze and just walking around when these two girls and a guy came up to me. One was pretty unattractive, but she was showing off her huge rack in a tight black and white striped top. The other was pretty hot, and she was wearing a nice low low cut orange blouse. StripedSlut decided that she was going to give me shit because she hasn't seen me dancing with anyone or something. I can't remember most of what she said because a) I was hammered and b) I don't absorb criticism well in bars. Whatever she said also mentioned my weight and then her orange bloused slut friend grabbed my chest. Ok, I know I need to lose weight, and I am working on it - bite me. One thing this girl didn't count on was that in my current state at the time my mind was operating under the God-given law: Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. You grab my chest, baby I'm grabbing yours.

So there I am feeling up this strange woman at Tiki Bob's. The guy with the two girls was flipping out, and the StripedSlut was horrified. OrangeSlut however was actually smiling. And digging it. And she gave me a hug. And she didn't leave my side until last call an hour later. That included hanging at the bar, dancing on the dance floor, and letting me spank her ass repeatedly in front of all my friends. I passed her my number in case she wanted to continue the action elsewhere - but I think she had other issues when I found out the DJ on stage was her boyfriend. Wow, not this again.

Saturday brought in the Nati. To my surprise, Nati has never drank with Tekes before. I only wish I could regale all of you with tales of Nati throwing chairs at old men and causing mayhem at the "Rally in the Alley" party, but I played way two too many games of beer pong and spent most of the night throwing up and sleeping on the concrete floor outside Steamer's apartment. Nati will have to fill you in on Saturday.

Sunday was the great race day. If you have never been to a NASCAR or Indy race, you cannot even conceive of what we witnessed. The stands around the track are filled with thousands upon thousands of people and seem to stretch to infinitity. Many are not wearing shirts, are completely drunk, and that is all ok. Open containers laws, "no shirt no shoes no service" rules, and general decorum have no place at the Indy 500. The only civility is paid to the national anthem and the invocation. And all these people are here to do is watch 33 cars go in circles 200 times. Awesome.



Those like Nati and I are privileged to have a tent to retire where there is shade and drinks provided for us, as well as lots of eye candy. The catch is that you are always expected to have a half full drink in your hand. A full drink suggests you are weak. A nearly empty cup calls for a new drink. And people watch the drink line to see if it moves. So social convention, or peer pressure, commands that you are constantly drinking the entire day. Which of course means you are going to end up like this.


Thankfully everyone survived the weekend without any nights in jail. The race was incredible with a ending that was worth the steep price of admission. Next time we need to get Miss Daisy out here.

Category:

• Parties