From "Ride My Pony" To "Ride A Cowboy"

Living in Atlanta, I don't have a chance to enjoy venues I generally classify as "trashy clubs." Most of the trashy clubs in Atlanta are in Buckhead, and the angry security, bitchy waitstaff, lack of parking, and strange women are enough to keep me away. The reputation for weekly gunplay on Fridays and Saturdays don't help either. Don't get me wrong, I am gangsta as hell - but I'm not a soldja, I am an "educated brotha."

The safest substitute is Twisted Taco in Midtown, only the main room is about the size of the bottom floor of my condo and it gets cramped quick. The barstaff is efficient and friendly - especially the cute brunette whose profile reminds me of the letter "P" or the Icelandic "Þ." This stacked chick always seems to have a special smile for me - which reminds me that she has seen me make out with more girls than I care to remember, and has also watched me get rejected more often than Ted Nugent at a NOW convention. Anyway trashy clubs used to play classic songs like these to get the crowd going.

• Ginuwine - Ride My Pony
• Next - Too Close
• Monique - Touch It
• 69 Hot Boys - Let Me Ride That Donkey
• 2 Live Crew - Hoochie Mama
• 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny
• Juvenile - Back That Ass Up

These were the songs that could only be danced to with the "bump and grind." No waltz or ballroom shuffling here. When "Touch it" came over the speakers, the first thing you did was approach a hot girl, put your hand on her waist, pull her into you, and apply pressure. With your crotch.

Even Next's "Too Close" dealt with the problem faced when "riding the pony:" does one let oneself get hard during the grind, or is an erection in a girl's ass or thigh going to do more harm than good. The best part about these songs was that when a girl was alone on the dance floor during one, you pretty much had a 80% shot of being able to do very dirty things to her on the dance floor and elsewhere. Hell, I made a CD of these songs in college (the famous Ho' Disk) - one of the girls I gave it to is now a single mother. Awesome.

But lately, I've noticed a new song that is getting the exact same reaction. Well, actually a much better one. Only the song isn't rap, or hip-hop, or even R&B. It's from the country western group Big & Rich, and while they are doing well - Big and Rich are actually the names of two guys who recorded this admittedly (grudgingly) fantastic song called "Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)" back in 2004.

The first time I experienced the pevlic grinding euphoria from this song was last April at a local St. Louis bar. I was with a couple friends and to the left of us there were three tall hot blondes with three tall white guys and they were pretty much doing their own thing. I have "two on the vine," but there was no reason for me to break into that group. But then "Save A Horse" starts playing. I heard the song before, and I was mouthing the words - sue me, I'm from rural Missouri - and next thing you know one of the blondes has her arms around me, singing into my face big as you please and riding into me like she is trying to get me to gallop. It was all I could do get her into a controlled left/right swing as she made a lot of noise. I was shocked, and there is a video.

Same thing at a trashy club in Indianapolis, and again in Atlanta. I tend to stay away from country bars, and unless it is the Dixie Chicks, Toby Keith, or other "hot" country - most places I go don't play that crap. Especially not as a bump and grind song. But if people want to make country songs that make hot girls want to dance with me, I'm all for it.

Now I need to get a bird dog.

Category:

• Parties
• Music