The Gaying of Chicago, Part IV

This intrepid reporter has kept you up-to-date on the latest restrictions the city of Chicago has put on the simplest freedoms in the last year. The ban on smoking in bars, the one place smokers could go to avoid puffing smoke in their children's faces. The ban on cell phones in cars, forcing people to fumble around with hands-free devices and get into wrecks. The ban on foie gras (or as I call it, liver soaked in goose tears), an apparent attempt to run all the 5-star chefs back to New York.

All of this mothering is the work of a few city council aldermen (e.g. Natarus and Burke) who have statewide or national political aspirations, and are doing all this crap to increase notoriety with all the pussies here who foul up the city with their queefs. But Ed Burke's newest bright idea shows that you should never underestimate a politician's desire to intrude on your life: let's ban trans-fats!

Burke: "Chicago has the opportunity to take a bold step and protect its citizens from the ravages of unhealthy trans fats by banning their use in restaurants." How about protecting your citizens from becoming zombies who can't decide what to eat without the government's stamp of approval? What does a ban on trans-fats mean? No margarine, no KFC, no Oreos (I'd think Barack Obama would at least take offense to that last one), and the list goes on and on. I hope you like all your food tasting like ass milk, because that will probably be the only cooking oil left when the government is through banning things.