I don't know why things like this make me angry but they do...

Since VH-1 saved their network making lists and reality shows grouping one-hit wonder “celebrities” together, everyone seems to make these ‘Best of’ or ‘Worst of…’ lists. And I suppose that’s fine. The only problem with this formula is that you have to be vaguely knowledgable about the topic that is being sent-up. Citysearch makes these lists for most American major cities. Usually, I’ll be mildly bemused by their lists of stuff about and around the city, generally taking umbrage at a few things but finding the lists to be generally non-offensive. This time, when creating a list of the top 10 things to do this summer in Chicago, it made me really, really upset.

From top to bottom there is not a whole lot that even the casual traveler would really honestly want to do. The Taste of Chicago, listed at #1 on the list, is usually done during a pestilential time of year and in the 95 degree heat, I know I want to be milling around with about a bazillion different people. It’s a big event, sure, but its not something that you would ever, ever want to do twice. They actually listed a Madonna concert at #7….I think that could probably be listed at #70 and would still be too high. When’s the last time Madonna was ever culturally relevant? 1987??? I decided that I would make my top 10 and see if I can improve on Citysearch’s pathetic list because dear Lord, there are a billion things to do in this wonderful place, and someone should come up with something better than eschewing South Side baseball and bars, hot dog stands that aren’t The Wiener’s Circle or any beef place that isn’t Mr. Beef. So I made my own list…feel free to critique. Here goes, the 10 best things to do in the Summer here in Chicago.

1. Wrigley Field. As I remember from my youth the jingle, ‘Come to Wrigley Field,…Come and see the Cubbies play!’ It really is the happiest place on earth. You can soak in the beautiful bricks and ivy and the hand-operated scoreboard, listen to some celebrity mangle ‘Take Me Out to The Ballgame’ and go out to the Cubby Bear afterwards. It’s such a great beer garden; you can understand why it barely matters that the Cubs brand of baseball is unwatchable. Now contrast that to the South Side and ask yourself this: if you had a choice, would you ever feel the inclination to do anything in that neighborhood or around that park, which is located right off the scenic Dan Ryan? Stick with Wrigley, its historic, you’ve got sun and suds and pretty girls in tube tops and you don’t have to worry about being mugged or shot.

2. Lollapalooza. If you’re going to do a musical concert, this 3-day concert will feature 140 bands and a lot of them are way more relevant than Madonna. Lessee, would you prefer the Material Girl in her Medicare addled dotage or Kanye West, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wilco, Death Cab, Jack White’s new band the Raconteurs, The Shins, The Flaming Lips and a host of other pretty great acts over three days?

3. Venetian Night. Whether you just want to sit and admire all the boats that are gussied up in lights or catch the totally insane fireworks display on the lake, you can either put down a picnic blanket in Grant Park or malinger around Monroe Harbor and take in of the prettier events that happen in this country all year.

4. Chicago Outdoor Movie Festival. Get there early, pack a blanket and some dinner, catch Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper introducing each of the classic movies that are shown in Butler Field on Tuesdays from July 18th to August 29th. Here are the movies being shown this year:
Jul. 18: 8:55 p.m. "Rebel Without a Cause”
Jul. 25: 8:49 p.m. "Bringing Up Baby”
Aug. 1: 8:41 p.m. "High Noon”
Aug. 8: 8:32 p.m. "American Graffiti”
Aug. 15: 8:22 p.m. "The Apartment”
Aug. 22: 8:11 p.m. "On the Waterfront”
Aug. 29: 7:59 p.m. "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

It’s a blast and it’s free!

5. Chicago SummerDance. It’s an eleven-week festival which has one-hour dance lessons by professional instructors and is then followed by a couple of hours of live music and dancing in the new open air dance floor in Grant Park. From June 15th to August 27th they have instructionals on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings from 6-9:30 p.m. and every Sunday afternoon from 4-7 p.m. Whether you want to learn to fox trot or how to do the hustle, this has something for everyone. It is also another free event.

6. Because it always seems to be raining in this town in the summer, the next two on the list are things to do on rainy days and nights when the outside isn’t such a great idea. The first of these has to be Brew & View at the Vic. This is the most wonderful place in the world to watch a really bad movie. Because you’re sitting there with some friends having some drinks and people are coming up with the best one-liners to combat the screen putrescence. Think of it as “Drunk Mystery Science Theatre.” The Vic is also a beautiful place filled with marble and a lot of ornate décor but despite the grandeur, there is a rowdy bar room feel to every movie. If you were going to watch a Keanu Reeves movie, this is the crowd you’d want to be with.

7. The other wonderful indoor place that I love is to catch the acts at The Second City. I, personally, prefer the e.t.c. cast whom I feel have been outclassing the Mainstage cast for some time now. But it’s a great place to kick back, have a few drinks with your friends and watch the sparks fly…and who knows, you might see someone who could become the next Bill Murray, Chris Farley, Joan Rivers, John Belushi, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Bonnie Hunt, George Wendt, Tina Fey or Steven Colbert…all whom are alumni of the Chicago cast.

8. I don’t like crowds. But for those that do, check out the Old Saint Patrick’s World’s Largest Block Party. For those that want to hang with 20,000 of your closest friends to drink, flirt or catch some pretty great live music, this fund-raiser for Old Saint Patrick’s Church is an absolute must. More than 70 couples have met at the Block Party and were later married, making Oprah note this as a great place to find yourself a significant other. It’s on July 14th and 15th this year and the band line-up is being announced in a couple of days on WXRT-FM.

9. Green City Market. On Wednesdays and Saturdays go up to the South of Lincoln Park (between 1750 N. Clark and Stockton Drive) and get yourself a heaping barrel full of the best fruits and vegetables that you’ll ever have. The Green City Market is special because it is a collective whose producers are organic and they are supporters of small family farmers who take care of the land and that will not use a whole bunch of DDT on your apples. They also sponsor cooking demonstrations. This is a great place to get wonderful products that were made the right way and crib a few ideas for some summer dishes.

10. Navy Pier. If you must. It’s tourist-y but the Ferris Wheel is fun, (I’m a huge fan of the IMAX theatre there) and I like that on nights down on the Pier you can listen to a band and watch all the tourists dance and buy over-priced beer. For the family set, there’s an enormo Children’s Museum and a few hundred sculptures about the place. There’s also the Shakespeare Theatre and the Stained Glass Museum.

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• Travel