The Morals of Elimidate

Elimidate is one of the greatest shows on TV. It is like a gladiatorial bloodsport with chicks. Depending on the sex of the lead - it is every man and woman's dream - to have four guys or girls fighting for your attention, and you get to humiliate at least three of them. Holy crap, it is the Highlander of dating shows - there can be only one.

The premise is simple - you get four members of the opposite sex and you take them around your town. After every scene, which is the equivalent of a date, you elimidate one of your suitors until one remains. Of course there are some hilarious departures from that scheme - but for the most part those are the general rules.

When a girl is the guest star - she usually elimidates the nice guy first, then the dickhead, and chooses between the cool guy and the asshole at the end, depending on whether or not she wants to end the night alone. These shows are funny because the guys themselves generally decide the pecking order - the girl just confirms their decision.

When a guy is the guest star - it is all about getting at least one girl in bed. Most of the guys on there look like they have zero trouble getting women on their own, on TV its all about hitting a homerun for the homeboys watching at the crib. Pretty much every male lead on these shows is like this, without fail. Yet every now and again, a girl will get dissed hard because she shows as much enthusiasm for the bonin' as the guy. Like the South Beach episode last night.

This particular episode showed four absolutely gorgeous women. Which is unusual, because most episodes allow the guy to make some easy cuts based on looks. The key girl was a very pretty brunette, who happened to have a kid. The literal MILF was also not fucking around. When the lead asked what she would do to get his attention, the MILF just kissed him right there. No hesitiation, which scandalized the other girls. They took turns implying she was a whore (using that term), and a slut, and easy. The MILF basically said that when she wants something, she gets it - and she made it very clear that she wanted the guy.

One of the girls, a blonde who reminds me of Ann Coulter, got all offended when the MILF characterized herself as a nymphomaniac. When the guy and MILF challenged her she said that she was willing to kiss on the first date - at the end; that she didn't have a particular issue with sex before marriage - but it has to be after a few dates; and that she doesn't feel it is appropriate to discuss her sex life. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that she competing for an obviously horny-ass guy on the most salacious dating show on network television. What the fuck is she doing there? And where are these abstract rules coming from? If you believe something is wrong because the Bible or Koran or Torah or Necronomicon told you so, fine. But if you create your own set of morals to run your life, and then use those inventions to judge and belittle others - then fuck you.

What's wrong with a girl who just wants to fuck? Why can't a girl have no rules about not kissing on the first date, or no banging until the third date, or no necking strange guys when you came with some one else? (Kidding about that last one. Actually I'm not. Well, maybe.) Why is Bill Clinton good and Monica Lewinsky bad? If a girl isn't married or engaged, why must she put these road blocks in her head before she can have any fun? They say a girl knows within five minutes of meeting a guy whether or not she wants to sleep with him. Why make her wait two weeks to feed the need?

For those who require a denouement - the MILF gets the guy, and does an awesome belly dance with a coin skirt for him before the fade to black.