The Gaying of Chicago V: The Final Frontier

In a move sure to please Miss Daisy and other duck buggers, Chicago has taken its latest step in supplanting San Fran as the gayest city of America: their ban on foie gras goes into effect today.

For those who don't know, foie gras is liver infused with goose tears. It has a very unique, rich, creamy, and slightly metallic taste (that's the iron, in case you have hemochromatosis). If you savor it slowly, you can also taste the suffering. The delicious, delicious suffering. Despite being French in origin and being called a "delicacy," it's a masculine symbol of man's dominance over nature when he force-feeds a duck and rips out its liver with his bare hands. At least that's how I imagine this stuff is made.

I say plenty of bad things about Chicago, but one thing I admire is that it is the food capital of the US: in taste, variety, quality, and value, it beats pretentious NYC hands-down. Not anymore, thanks to the nannies in City Council who decided that banning smoking, cell phones, trans-fats, and everything enjoyable in life wasn't enough to justify their feeble existence.

The good news is that some of the citizens are finally starting to fight back. Emperor Daley has called it the "silliest law" that the Council has passed (he's underestimating the Council, of course, but that's a topic for another Gaying installment). Restauranteurs are suing over constitutional issues, and are considering giving the delicacy away for free, since that's not against the letter of the law. The Washington Post called Chicago "That Meddlin' City." The Washington Post wrote this!! Keep in mind the Post is a mouthpiece feeding at the teat of federal bureaucracy, and it gives you some perspective.

Best of all, the impending ban prompted restaurants to advertise their foie gras specialties and consumers to go out and splurge before the ban went into effect. The result may be that more foie gras was consumed in the past month than the past decade, and foie gras fans have multiplied...including myself, who was hooked upon his first taste of lobster with foie gras butter sauce, care of Chicago fixture Fixture. Nice work, titwads. For the love of God, Chicago, vote these dickbags out!