P&G/Old Spice Just Doesn't Get It

Last night I was watching the second episode of Metalocalypse and getting my socks rocked off until I saw this Old Spice commercial. Produced by Saatchi & Saatchi, it portrays a youngish looking guy living a normal life as the last guy on earth. Also, it seems that the 2.7 billion men that left took all the ugly chicks with them. So the guy goes through his day, doing his thing - surrounded by hungry looking hot chicks. Eventually he goes to the club that evening, and in the midst of hundreds of women dyking it out on the dancefloor - he sees a perfect brunette, and sorta sidles up to her. She looks, walks away - and the music stops with a smarmy female voiceover blaming the guy's horrible strikeout on his deodorant breaking down.

P&G, like many of the consumer packaged goods (CPG) companies out there, is pretty conservative and is being pulled - kicking and screaming - into the new zeitgeist of sex and male assertiveness that was once only the province of beer commercials. Unilever is one of the CPG firms that doesn't have to be pulled - its AXE brand of body sprays, bodywashes, and deodorants is marketed as overt aphrodisiacs, and it's working. Not only is it working, Unilever is getting men to buy in a category to which they don't give much thought. Most men use the same deodorant their fathers did, and as long as it worked without giving a rash - they never changed. With AXE body spray, they buy multiple cans with multiple fragrances in addition to their standard deodorant - bringing in tons of cash that wasn't even being spent in that category before. Plus teens love body spray because even through it is more expensive than deodorant, it is a hell of a lot cheaper than cologne. All this with the simple message that is this - "If you aren't a monster, wear our spray and chicks will sniff you out and will bang you."

And as much as people poo-poo that message, AXE is right. While there might not be anything incredibly special about their fragrances - they are better than nothing, and cheaper to use than a $60 alcohol based cologne that will wear off after an hour or two. Ladies, you know this is true - if you smell something good, you turn around to look. And if the guy is cute, you are probably going to smile.

Old Spice, originally founded as a woman's perfume company, still markets to women buying for men. No man could respond to the "Last Man on Earth" commercial. If I was the last man on a planet populated exclusively by hot women - I would walk on to the tarmac of the nearest airport - board the coolest looking plane, and begin my solemn duty to single handedly insure the survival of the human race - starting with the co-pilot, stewardesses, and passengers. I certainly wouldn't watch chicks play baseball, hang out at the library, or take public transportation. And I definitely wouldn't approach a girl on a dance floor like I was some teenager or a retard.

This commercial would have been much more effective if it showed a manly male celebrity, or a sly Italian guy who approaches all these women and gets rebuffed because he smells like a goat. Of course, that would never happen in real life. Clint Eastwood married a hot latina who is half his age, and I am sure he smells all the time. I was on an overnight ferry to Ibiza and one of the American girls we met hooked up with some Italian dude. I don't think smell was a concern to her.

The lesson here is that men respond to brands that help and encourage them, not those that berate and insult them. Axe says that they want to help men get laid. Great. Burger King says they have a whole union of tiny midgets making them veggie-free burgers. Awesome. Telling men they are douchebags might make some women happy - but they are already buying. Glorifying men are going to get them to spend some of their time as buyers too.