I HATE Rob Schneider

Rob Schneider is proof that Hollywood in general just rolls the dice when they put out movies. No thought, they just throw some money in the wind, and hope that it lands on someone who isn't a douchebag. How else do you explain Rob Schneider getting a cool million for "The" fucking "Animal?" I am not a big fan of America's conduct in the Spanish American War, but when ever I see Schneider on screen, I start bursting into bars of "Damn the Filipinos!" IMDB says that he is famous for one line, "you can do it! You can do it all night loong!" While I personally love that line, if he would have jumped off a cliff after "The Waterboy," I think the world would be a much better place.

The man is fucking irritating. He makes me want to vomit my dinner, and then hurl it at him. Last night I couldn't sleep - and I saw Sly Stallone in a futuristic cop outfit. Since I don't make a habit of watching shitty Sly Stallone movies, I assumed I was watching "Demolition Man" instead of "Judge Dredd." Never mind the plots are about as different as an orange and a tangerine.

So while I am watching a cut Sly march around with a stick shoved firmly and securely up his ass - instead of seeing Sandra Bullock talking about blowing guys and Wesley Snipes looking for a gun again, I get to watch Armand Assante act like a pompous dick and more Rob Schneider than the FDA would ever recommend. The movie is about a lawman taking back his city from its corrupt overseers - why do I have to see fucking Rob Schneider with his unfunny, stupid ass, out of time snarky remarks every 20 seconds? Did someone say - listen, we loved you as the uncredited dipshit in "Demolition Man" two years ago, lets make the EXACT SAME FUCKING MOVIE FEATURING YOU AS THE LOVEABLE PAIN IN THE ASS?

And then there is the whole Mel Gibson thing. And Schneider tries to stand up as a paragon of Hollywood morality and say that he will never work with Mel Gibson again. Never mind he plays idiot Mexicans, and he is an idiot period. At least Keanu Reeves knows he is a more wooden actor than Pinocchio, and keeps his damned mouth shut off screen.

I propose a new Parental/Concerned Citizen warning for all media.




This label should be placed on every movie poster, DVD box, TV ad, or CD case that either features Rob Schneider, has him in a supporting role, a small role, or is a movie, TV show, or band that talks about Rob Schneider in a positive light. Yes, it looks like the warning put on badass rap albums like "Fear of a Black Planet" and "Straight Outta Compton," but most people kinda know what to expect from rap these days so the warning is redundant. I was traumatized by the "Judge Dredd"/"Demolition Man" thing, and I want to save the rest of the world from such abject horror.

Rob Schneider, eat shit and die.

EDIT: Christopher Walken, who starred in over 100 films ranging in quality from stupendous to stupid, declined the role of "Rico" in "Judge Dredd." This is the same Walken who gave a famous monologue about having a time piece shoved up his ass, and who starred in a trilogy about warring bloodthirsty angels written by "Highlander" screenwriter Gregory Widen. In other words, this guy don't say no to nuttin'. Why refuse this particular film? Four words... Rob Schneider is a dipshit.