Native American Idol

"People start political correctness. People can stop it."

Man, Indians just can't get no respect. First the bleeding hearts at the Univ of Illinois have finally succeeded in banning Chief Illiniwek, whose origin was an homage to the Indians who gave the state (and university mascot) its name. I'm certain that the very public and disgraceful way in which liberals beat him down will do wonders for acceptance of their cult of multiculturalism. I can't wait for the Atlanta Native Americans Who Preach Tolerance While Maintaining a Judicious Amount of Cultural Identity to take the baseball field next month.

And now there's an Indian guy on American Idol. Yeah, yeah, he's the other kind, but it's nice to see one not sitting behind the counter of a 7/11, scrubbing in for brain surgery, or screeching to one of those awful Bollywood songs (don't deny it, you know those songs suck). Too bad the kid's awful in his own right; his terrible rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Knocks Me Off My Feet" should have gotten him kicked off tonight, though he scraped by on a pity vote.

Which brings me to the new season. I think people respect my keen knowledge of pop music, and would like to hear my early picks to click, since I can cut through all the fluff. Well, here they are:

On the men's side, I'm sick to announce that I think the front-runners are Blake (the ambiguously gay guy with the ambiguously gay name, spiky hair, and wiggerish beatboxing habit) and Chris Sligh (the fat version of Justin Guarini). They were the only ones to sing in key, picked appropriate songs for their talents, and actually have personalities that aren't sickeningly inspirational (Says Blake: the toughest obstacle in my life is "the obstacles of life"). As long as they don't get any gayer, I may end up supporting them...we'll see.

On the women's side, it's brown sugar all the way. All of the sistas could sing circles around their honkey competition. This was sadly proven true tonight as America voted off the two hottest salt licks on the show. However, if they stick to over-indulgent gospel/Aretha songs and start getting big heads, they may be upset. The two dark (heh) horses are the red-headed flat-chested lupus girl (who can sing well, as long as she stays away from karaoke songs like "Natural Woman") and the pseudo-goth chick. There's a lot to choose from here, so we'll have to wait until the chaff gets weeded out.

I once went to the infamous Halloween weekend at Ohio University, and an Indian Indian guy with us went as an American Indian, complete with hide tunic and headdress. I went as a cross between Duff McKagan and a coke whore, but I guess that's neither here nor there. My point is that if Indians and Indians can become one, maybe there's hope for this messed-up world after all.