24: Girls Girls Girls

Damn, Jack.

Last night was insane. Fake nukes. Jack Bauer killing everyfuckingbody. Milo thinks with his dick. Tits McGee is alive. Evil Chinaman is still in picture.

Let's start with the interesting stuff. Milo is a tough guy, taking a bullet to save Jack's booty call, but man he is a pussy. Once a hot female gets in the picture he turns into a catty bitch like Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls. First Chloe, the lucky booty call, and now Nadia, the star of a 1001 Sexy Arabian Nights. Nadia likes new Agent Scott because he actually knows the Koran, and what woman can resist a guy who can quote Shari'a law as he punches her kitty doggy. The next few episodes are gonna focus on Milo hating getting out played and what really happened with Scott in Denver.

Everywhere I go, I see the same...

The next biggest thing is Audrey, Tits McGee, is still alive. Keep in mind that Jack hasn't gotten laid since he pounded the single mother previous to the first hour of Day 5. Now that Jack knows he can finally get some after months of Chinese torture - nothing is getting in his way.

Nadia and Audrey, these two will make next week's episode actually interesting.

Oh, and the suitcase nukes were secured. Yay.

24: Today's Star Trek

You're doing great. Let me concentrate on the road, you will know when to stop.


It was hard to watch 24 last night. Not because of the nuke, or the torture with items easily found around any home... just the fact there is really nothing new any more. There is a reason Fox leads into the show with the line, "The nonstop action of 24!" Without the nonstop action and beeping clock, there really isn't any point.

What new things 24 brings to television.

- Beeping clock with realtime action.
- Lots and lots of torture.
- Multiple black presidents. Much respect to my brothas DB Woodside and Dennis Haysbert!

What's not new.

- Everything else.

The evil father/Darth Vader thing was kinda the last straw. You saw it coming, it had to happen, but it was so obvious ("Hey, let me take my grandson out of this protective area. Trust me, I won't use him to extort your cooperation") it made me want to switch to SciFi and watch an Enterprise rerun. At least then I know I will see something new... who watched that show on its first run anyway?

Speaking of Enterprise, has anyone realized that Jack Bauer is this generation's Captain Kirk?


I can't wait to see Kiefer turn into Denny Crane in three decades!


Think about it. Captain Kirk got all the alien strange he could handle. Bauer nearly got road head from his dead brother's widow last night. Not to mention he was forced to hook up with the chick that killed his wife. If that isn't alien strange, I don't know what is.

Then you have the AWAY/TAC teams. On Star Trek, if your name wasn't Kirk, Spock, Bones and you had a red shirt on... if you had a brain you would do whatever it takes to sit out that mission. If you are on a TAC team and your name is not Jack Bauer (you need more than his family name on this one), I suggest you bury your face in your balls in CTU - unless you want to get blasted.

Then there are the transporters. Kirk had Scotty transporting him anywhere and everywhere back then. Is that normal? Helicopters are doing the same thing for Jack... It's like it's 1962 all over again on 24.

Don't forget that Kirk was always smarter than everyone else. Back at Starfleet Academy he cheated and beat the unbeatable computer problem and made himself a legend. Jack Bauer was tortured by the Chinese, the experts, for two years without saying a word. Morris was kidnapped and tortured for an hour with a baseball bat, a bathtub filled with water, and a power drill. After that, he programmed a computer to nuke the fucking country. How believable is that?

I have two, you have none.

No body had more sack than Captain Kirk. Whether it was fucking the alien pussy, or entering the neutral zone to fight the Klingons, he was the ballsiest guy around. Jack Bauer ate a guy. Yet no one else on this show can stand up against the enemy for more than a few minutes.

So basically 24 is Star Trek with more important non-Klingon black people, and more torture. I will probably keep watching because like Star Trek, its gonna be one of those shows people talk about for decades. Now Airwolf, that's a show worth remembering.