The SEC vs. My College Experience

It has been weighed in the balance, and found wanting.



When I heard I was going to the SEC Championship game, I was expecting two things. 1) To make my Southern friends, really jealous, 2) to see some really hot SEC poon, and 3) to enjoy some great football. Mission accomplished on all three. What I didn't expect was the complete emasculation of all the good feelings I had about my own university (and its conference).

It started at lunch. I was enjoying a salad with my gametime companions at Ruth's Chris - which was buzzing with fans from LSU and from UTenn. By the way, never before have I entered a steak house and found it "buzzing." Then one of the LSU tables started with a football/fraternity chant, and the others joined in. Two things struck us - 1) the guy leading the chant was in his late 30s, and 2) if it is this loud at a $35+ steak restaurant, what are the actual bars like? After this, one of the folks at my table asked me where I went to school. I sullenly replied, "a little Div III school called Washington University." Oh.

I have been to big games at the Georgia Dome before. The Sugar Bowl (held in ATL because of Hurricane Katrina) was a blast, but this was another level. Hearing Tennessee fans sing "Rocky Top," even after LSU scored just to rally the troops was stunning. I barely know Wash U's fight song - and I was in the band! Another thing I found stunning was that even though Tennessee colours were everywhere - I didn't see many jerseys. I did see the quick-dry golf shirts, polos, sweater vests, ties, dress shirts, slacks, Columbia fleeces, sweaters, all in Tennessee orange. In contrast, I bought exactly one WU item in my 10 years since stepping foot on WU's campus. These guys weren't just watching their football team play, they were representing their school as their football team fights for her honor.

That pride and camaraderie that I saw from the Tennessee and LSU fans was intoxicating. Somehow as I look at grad schools, I don't think I will focus exclusively on what school ranks the best... I will also see what programs are strong in the SEC.

Here's to Mizzou

I can't remember when Mizzou wasn't awful. Watching Mizzou killing Kansas playing for the top of college football was like a dream. A weird completely unrealistic dream. If Heidi Klum was sitting next to me instead of my friend's sister I would have grabbed a hammer and hit my head so I would never wake up.

Go Tigers, all the way! We at The Tales are behind you!

Bask in Greatness

Sometimes, the hard work you put in gets the results you expect. Other times, hard work reminds you that no matter the outcome - you can take pride in overcoming the obstacles along the way. Life truly is a journey, not a destination.

Free The Juice!

Some might hate me for saying this - but there is just something wrong about OJ Simpson actually going to jail. Sure, most of the white people in this country thinks he killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, but hey - he got off in spectacular fashion, and the civil suit ensures he can't live too extravagant a lifestyle. So why not let him be? There is something kinda awesome in a "rah rah Darth Vader" sort of way when you imagine him mobbing the streets of Las Vegas with his armed posse. That "whole taking back what's his" attitude hasn't been around since the cowboy era.

After all, he has a life that is as interesting to watch from the sidelines as his performance on the football field. His feuds with Ron Goldman. His cockblocking of the star of Superbad. His coked out big tittied girlfriend. Searching for the real killer at the links in South Florida. You want to really give all that up just so you can forget about him in jail?



Baby... I'm just livin'!

I honestly don't give a damn about OJ. But I do care a lot about me. And man, I had a stupid grin on my face when I heard that OJ was back in the news again. Maybe it's because I was a huge fan of 1st and 10 with a hot Delta Burke - but there is just something about the man. Sure he's probably a double murderer - but that doesn't make him any less entertaining!

The NFL Has Returned

Leave the titty, take your ass to the field!

And not a moment too soon. For some reason, the offseason felt a lot longer and more painful this year. Then again, thanks to Tank Johnson, Brady Quinn, Brian Urlacher's lucky bastard hand, Pacman Jones, Joey Porter, and of course Michael Vick - the NFL was never NOT in the news. It will be nice to hear about a player actually playing football - instead of being an idiot, or killing himself, or whatever.

As for predictions I like everyone else expect a lot of good things from the Saints. I am especially excited about the pairing of Tom Brady and Randy Moss. Moss never, ever lived up to his potential, but the Patriots under Belichick's leadership won't let Randy slack off like he did in Minnesota and Oakland. I love my Chiefs, but I am not holding my breath. Besides, the Chiefs are the most fun to watch around Week 13 - by this point they have been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and somehow they summon up enough energy to make sure their late season opponents can join them on the couch. I think the Falcons will do ok... you can't honestly expect a team who lost three quarterbacks in one offseason to do especially well.

And given I spend way too much time on this site, I can't help but give a shout out to Kissing Suzy Kolber. This site is one of the best sportsblogs in the Universe, and today's "NFL Kickoff Bukkake" has been nothing short of amazing. It's days like this I am happy I have graduated from the cubicle farm... closing my door so no one sees me laughing my ass off is a grand priviledge.

Joe Naimath - Even when he doesn't get the girl, he begets greatness.

Harbaugh's Right....Michigan Sucks

First off, I have never in all my days met anyone of substance from the University of Michigan. Academically, the place is a joke. The other thing is they're relentless cheaters on the gridiron. I mean, really, all those offensive lineman bought those Lincoln Navigators with their own money? Really????? Harbaugh should be proud that Mike 'Pottery Works 101' Hart doesn't consider him a 'Michigan man,' because that mostly constitutes taking cash from boosters, doing blow, and failing 8th grade reading classes.

ANN ARBOR, Mich. (AP) -- Michigan players and coaches are lashing out at Jim Harbaugh over remarks the former Wolverines quarterback and current Stanford coach made about his alma mater in a newspaper interview.Michigan tailback Mike Hart says he has no respect for Harbaugh."He's not a Michigan man, and I wish he had never played here," Hart said this week during the Big Ten media meetings in Chicago. "I've never met him, and I don't want to."

Harbaugh in May told the San Francisco Examiner that Michigan admitted athletes who were borderline academically, then steered them into less-challenging courses to keep them eligible."They're adulated when they're playing," Harbaugh was quoted as saying. "But when they get out, the people who adulated them won't hire them."Harbaugh later told The Ann Arbor News that even serious student athletes are encouraged to take easier majors. Coach Lloyd Carr called Harbaugh's comments "elitist" and "arrogant.""Do I think they're elitist? Yeah," Carr told The Detroit News on Wednesday. "Arrogant? Yes. Self-serving? Yes."

Hart hinted that Harbaugh has blown his chance of ever coaching the Wolverines."He can say what he said and not talk about Michigan. ... There's always a coaching ladder," Hart told the Detroit Free Press. "He coached at San Diego and could have spent a (few) years at Stanford and maybe come to Michigan. But I don't know what he was thinking. It was a dumb move."

Gary Migdol, a Stanford athletic department spokesman, did not offer immediate comment when contacted Thursday by The Associated Press.

I'm With Ookie

I love dogs. Really, I do. And if Michael Vick turns out to be the Don King of dogfighting, he should be punished. At the very least, this whole episode should encourage every professional athlete to hire one guy to say, "you know what, let's just make it a Blockbuster night" whenever bad ideas are put out in the open. (I'm free!) At this point, however, universal condemnation is not in order.

Just today, former prosecutor Michael Nifong admitted in open court that he had no hard evidence against the Duke lacrosse players before he ripped their lives to shreds. No qualifications, just a pure admission of guilt. Were it not for bloggers like William Anderson over at Lewrockwell.com and the large purses of the player's families - they would be on trial right now, and still universally condemned in the court of public opinion. Let's not forget Kobe Bryant, while not the picture of perfect husbandry, he has no reason to force himself on easy white girls either. He also faced universal condemnation until the facts began to show us the way from the darkness of innuendo to the light of truth.

Michael Vick is no Pacman Jones. Pacman is suspended for a full season because for whatever reason, the man is constantly arrested, is always on a police blotter, and because of his actions another man may never walk again. Michael Vick has never been arrested, and while he has made some bad decisions off the field as of late - he has not, even now, helped to bring down the overall image of the Atlanta Falcons or the National Football League. He is no saint, but he is no super sinner either.

The worst is that any attempt to salvage his good name by his fellow players and other writers is immediately shouted down. Peter King's abuse of the great athlete and well liked Emmitt Smith was uncalled for, and the fact that he cited former Klansman and top KKK recruiter Sen. Robert Byrd in his attack was violently offensive.

I love dogs. But ruining the career of a living man for the sake of dogs long dead before a conviction is morally wrong.

Who's Your QB?

I know Nati and MadAngler aren't big fans of Big Ben, but hey, he likes booze and chicks - so at least I can identify with him. Mr. Limp Handsy himself, Brady Quinn, I don't get at all. Picture from Mondesishouse.com.

Since I Don't Care About College Hoops...

No upsets, better seeding.

I bring you this - The Big Picture's "Who Would You Do" Tournament. This tournament is filled with all the misogyny, horniness, and disdain of college basketball that you normally expect from TFDS. My picks for the Real Fine Final Four:

• Erin Andrews
• Melissa Stark
• Pam Oliver
• Suzy Kolber

Damn, I miss football.

Jonesing for Football

Captain Caveman over at Kissing Suzy Kolber reminded me how much I miss football right about now. Above is a clip of Tyler Brayton expressing his frustration with the performance of the Raiders last season.

Hey, sometimes you just gotta let off some steam.

If nutshots aren't enough - just do the Devil Walk. Dooo iiit!!!

The Great Football Idea - Post Mortem

Looks like the clothes are staying on till next season. Riigght...

No one thought it would ever happen. And they were right. For the completely wrong reasons.

If you remember, my friends and I at an ATL bar came up with a harebrained scheme early last year to recruit girls from bars and the internet to serve as hostesses for our football parties in the fall. In the early going the theory was that the recruiting would be the toughest part, but once the girls are in place... everything would be cake. In the worst case scenario, we would be shot down and gets some great laughs (and even segue into something better), and the best case scenario would be success. Never before have I seen so many guys afraid in the face of success.

The MySpace Group page took off... and there were enough girls who looked like they might actually do this thing. (We were only looking for a max of six. ) Same thing with the Craigslist.org stuff, Yahoo! Personals, and Meet Me @ Hot or Not sites. And that's when we started hitting snags. One guy, who had a big screen, took his condo out of the running for possible sites for the party. Another, his girlfriend had moved in and nixed his place as well. My water heater exploded from too much pressure from a water main and flooded most of my 1st floor. (Insurance didn't cover the damage, so I got raped as well as denied.) That left only one viable place in town that could support such a party, and thankfully he was still in - for the time being.

Thankfully, it was Dennis' idea in the first place to organize all this - so things were cool. That is until Dennis uncovered the phenomenon that is internet dating (just like Columbus discovered America... it was always there). Not only did he find girls who were willing to take their tops off just because we said so, the ones that weren't willing wanted to date him! So then we go from discussions of how many girls are on board to which girl called for phone sex. Others he met for actual dates - in addition to the MySpace girls we met out to discuss the proposition. Eventually this activity got out among his female friends - who then went on a hunt to find him a real girlfriend.

This particular move led to an interesting situation. While all this was going on, I was seeing a girl I met at a wine bar in Smyrna. She was a bit older and a recently divorced single mother - but I am a sucker for redheads. She also taught at the local college, so being able to discuss Style Guides and sex at the same time was kinda cool. Guess what pretty redhead English professor with cute glasses was talking to Dennis about the topless thing. Yeah, figures. I knew something was up when I sent her an email and hadn't heard back in a couple days - and then Dennis mentions the redhead on the Meet Me page. I go to verify, and then call her from Dennis' phone. Klassi. Apparently she wasn't serious about Dennis persay, but she wanted to play the field, after all she was recently divourced. This whole enterprise was starting to get weird.

While all this was going on, I was in and out of town for work, fencing, volunteer events, and other things - while other male members of the team were out when I was in town. So even if every man was on board - there were only 4-5 weekends in the regular season were we could assemble a full team (or even have the guys outnumber the topless girls). Finally, as bowl season (and our last chance) approached, I heard this line and many variations.

I gotta be honest. I was all for this whole deal when I knew there was no way in hell it would come together. Now that I know that it is going to happen, I am really scared. I do have a girlfriend after all.

After that bold/sissy statement, that was the end. Dennis put title (no land) on his girlfriend, Jake put both land and title (a ring) on his new fiance's finger, and I hooked up with some random for a couple days.

Once I get my floors replaced (sometime late winter/early spring), I may poll some of my younger less attached friends. After all, there is still interest on the women's side.