Being Incognegro - Except on Halloween

This fall has been a busy one with work travel and family stuff going on. With the exception of my birthday week, I haven't really gone out all that much. I remember going to an Oktoberfest outdoor concert against my better judgment (it was the night before a fencing tournament), having one beer, and seeing a sea of people who I didn't know and didn't like.

It's not that they were bad people (although you can never be too sure), its just that I haven't felt that magic kinship between like strangers in a while. Maybe its the fact that I don't feel the need to get crazy wasted anymore, or more likely my tolerance is sky high. It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with friends and hitting on random girls in Hotlanta... But if I can't guarantee that such activities won't be more enjoyable than watching one of the great FX Original Series on the TiVo - then I'm staying home.

Nevertheless, Halloween is upon us... It is my favorite holiday, and I plan to be out and about that Friday night. Plus my boy X is coming to town, and that is guaranteed to make things crazy...

Halloween 2007 - Good News and Bad News

This Halloween was a bit different for me vs. the last five years. But there are ups and downs to any change in life.

The Bad News: I was pretty sober the whole weekend.

The Good News: I fenced an Olympic medalist in Birmingham... and won!

The Bad News: No wild sexy debauchery like my days gone by in Madison.

The Good News: I finished 3rd in Open Epee at the Tiger Open at Clemson University. This is my highest finish ever in an open event. And I earned my B07!

Given that I now in a city with a 7-1 female to male ratio, I think this is a nice trade off for one weekend.

Happy Halloweeen!

Celebrating My Non-Birthday

Miss Daisy got me a copy of Patton Oswald's latest CD. Oswald is funny in small doses, and one of his less funny jokes was that after age 21, only ages in multiples of 10 matter until you hit 91. In any case, I decided to do something for my 28th. Last year, I spent my 27th with a bottle of Johnny Walker Black and a snifter of haterade as a chaser. No sense in doing that again.

This year was going to be easy going - a nice happy hour around the corner from my house. Unfortunately, a huge storm insured only the most dedicated friends would show up - and even I managed to get drunk as soon as I got home from work and was 20 minutes late. Yes, I was 20 minutes late to my own birthday happy hour that I planned. Yes, I am a complete jackass. About 15 people or so popped in and out, mostly Wash U folks and my regular drinking buddies.

After things died down, a few of us hit the clubs in Midtown. There I managed to hit on/grope a beautiful girl giving out free rubber bracelets for FOX's new cop drama, "K-Ville." Something about her dark caramel skin and awesome long hair made her irrestible. Unfortunately, I was pretty sloppy - and I am sure the over/under on her deleting my number from her cell is about six minutes.

SEXY UPDATE: I really don't give myself enough credit. She didn't delete the number, she called, she likey, and she wants to go out. In fact, I was one of the few people she actually gave a bracelet - she sucks at promotions. Plus, I was as sloppy as I remember. Who knew?

Here are some quotes really made this evening memorable.

Me: "She always wants to be the center of attention."
Dennis: "That's easy... just rail her in the middle of the bed!"

LW: "Yes she's hot. But I am not going after a woman the same age as my mother."
Me: "Whoa, I know your mom. Now I can't go after her either!"

Dennis: "So how was Midtown?"
Me: "It was typical, gave this gorgeous black girl my number..."
Dennis: "Whoa, you hit on a black girl? That's news!"

Me: "I like her, I'd love to date her, I just never think about calling her until I am half-wasted."
Miss Daisy: "You truly are a jackass."

Waitress: "You guys are new, but I had this guy before."
Me: grins ear to ear
Dennis: "You just made his entire weekend!"

MADD Needs To Go Back In The Kitchen

Candy Lightner, founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, has condemned the group as becoming neo-prohibitionist - to her credit. While fighting drunk driving is an admirable and necessary goal - fighting drinking period goes against the core of American tradition and is fascist and wrong.

So why is it necessary for MADD to comment on Amtrak, the train company, giving away free booze on its higher end service? Amtrak, in order to convince people that buying a $800 train ticket to cross the country is a good idea, is giving away $100 worth of booze as part of the deal. But Misty Moyse is afraid someone might overindulge... Who cares? Sure, 14 neat scotches might be a bit excessive - but if you are stuck on a train for two and a half days, what difference does it make?

Misty Make-too-much-noisy has got it all wrong. Going after bars that stay open later than cab companies is one thing (bad enough in my opinion), going after companies trying to provide a service that is perfectly safe is another. All you do is lose credibility for yourself.

Most of the nuts out there are completely sober - including the ones Sen. Obama has "vowed" to go after. Let people drink in peace.

Happy Memorial Day

I hope you had a great time with you and yours. I tried to take it easy, and do things like try to learn Turkish (more on that in the coming months), work, and avoid getting arrested.

I did make it out to a friend's pool party where the girl to guy ratio was 2:1. Since there were nine people at this thing, it made conversation very estrogen-y.




This picture tells you everything you need to know about this party. If you don't get it, let me break it down for you.

• In spite of the ratio, this was the most interesting scene of the evening.
• The dog was the most enthusastic drinker at the party. I was a close second.
• The dog and I were the only black people there.
• If it wasn't for the dog, there wouldn't be any pictures from this evening.
• All this, and the dog is wearing a gay hankerchief and is scarcely bigger than a football.

Other than that, it was a great time!

Wrong Place For The Final Four

As most of you know, the Final Four was here in Hotlanta this weekend. Unfortunately, I ended up getting smashed Thursday night, and had no interest in partying at all last weekend. My main goal was to stay at home on my couch and watch basketball while sipping a glass of tepid water and clutching my blanket. But things never work out that way.

I ended up getting a call from a girl who lives in North Georgia (MtGirl*) who wanted to hit a cool bar and grill in Kennesaw. I wasn't interested until I realized she wanted to go to Olde Towne. I love Olde Towne. The blackclad waitstaff there are so friendly and hot you want to bang 90% of them... and the other 10% want to bang you. Things were fine until MtGirl and I were introduced to the 10%... a large blonde girl whose massive white cleavage was impossible to ignore against the darkness of the room and her clothes. Even more so when she approached our booth carrying my soup, leaved over towards me and in a deep sultry voice proclaimed, "Here's your chilli." That line became the quote of the night.

MtGirl was pissed. It seemed that display was a cap on a rough week for her at work, and she wanted to get drunk quick. She was insisting on some froo-foo drink and nothing on the drink menu seemed to suffice. I finally told our hot waitress to mix MtGirl a drink I came up with in college. It was a shot of Southern Comfort, a shot of Peach Schnapps, mixed in cranberry juice. I called it a "Southern Hospitality**." She drank it and loved it. We then learned from the bartender it is actually known as a variant on a "Liquid Valium." Then MtGirl ordered six more. And a shot of Liquid Cocaine, which tastes strangely just like a Third Reich (Goldschlager, Jagermeister, and Rumpelmintz).

About 40 minutes later, MtGirl is bouncing off the walls, and hitting on random guys to try to make me jealous. Given that I was planning to stick her with the bill if she did anything too stupid, her plans to rouse me failed - and then the violence started. I kinda lost it, and turned from laid-back-going-to-get-laid Coletrain into don't-fuck-with-me Coletrain. After she saw the change, she wanted to go home, and I made sure she got there fine, without following her inside. Which worked out, because she ended up puking all night and next morning. Awesome.

If I knew I was going to be having this much fun, I would have went downtown with the Florida folks.

*Bonus points to whoever can get the reference.
**In case you are reading this, did the Valium/Southern Hospitality effect you the same way?