You Broke My Heart, TRAITOR!!!!

Coulda been you, Benedict Asshole.

And I thought we were friends. I thought we understood each other. Sure, we don't share everything, but I assumed that such a level of friendship would come in time. Hell, I thought I would get to give you a gentle ribbing when you told the pizza guy to meet you on the side of the building. I always thought you were a little too huggy huggy when you were drunk... and anyone who orders a Chardonnay at an IU college bar has GOT to smoke some pole (you should have saved that for Crawfordsville). And hey, we're both young, swingin' guys - who says we need to settle down for a single gender. Now that I am nice and thin, why should the girls have all the fun? Let's just say I was a little curious when I followed you and that ripped, sexy, pizza man around the corner...



But no, you weren't smoking pole, you were sucking down a sub! A Submarine sandwich! And not even a toasted one, but "OVEN ROASTED??" How could you!!! The only thing those fags at Domino's ever came up with was an annoyingly iconic 'Noid! Their pizza tastes like shit - you think they can make a fucking sandwich?




It's bad enough that Quizno's has some worn out whore begging for more meat (nothing can fill that canyon!) - but now Domino's has you hiding in alleys swallowing their hero like some old San Francisco queen's bitch!

No, I DON'T want a bite. I'm not hungry anyway... but I will have a nice five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Foot Long later. Enjoy your meal, cocksucker.