Digesting the Teacher Sex Phenomenon

Six years in a federal "pound-you-in-the-ass" penitenary. That's what you get if you are a female and you smuggle a 13 year old boy to Mexico for sex. Kelsey Peterson was just sentenced last week, and good riddens.

In an exclusive interview with ABC News, Ms. Peterson describes her illicit affair and the resulting relationship. The article is well worth a read, but just in case I linked the page with the juiciest bits.

One thing that I never picked up on growing up is exactly how horny teachers are. With extremely few exceptions most of my teachers, even through college, were old and unattractive. There was the rare cute twentysomething here or there, but for better or worse I was more focused on leaving their care with an A for effort, not A for adultery. Even in college, most of my TAs were men or ugly, and my university graduated few teaching majors.

Living in ATL, however, there are plenty of cute teachers - many of whom are attractive, and often drunk and horny. Since this is the big city there is plenty of options for companionship; the educators of Laurens County, SC aren't so lucky. Even so, women who prey on teenagers, or worse allow themselves to be seduced by them tend to follow some kind of pattern.



Since this is my first effort at profiling since the Spy Tech gear came out in the late 1980s (which was awesome), I will make this simple. If you know the life situation of an adult woman, and see the warning signs, you know to lock up your son (or daughter)... or at least make sure he has protection.

Life situations:

• Lonely and Neglected: She could either be single with few friends, or married with a busy husband. Without friends her own age to keep her grounded or provide advice, hooking up with a teenager could make since. Hell, her father may have a huge age gap with her mother. Plus, there is nothing like giving complements to a woman who is starved for them.


• Ugly duckling: I believe every womans attractiveness over time can be charted on a bell curve. Some peak in high school, others in college, and still others may not peak until their late 30s. Katey Seagal looks more bangable in Sons of Anarchy (2008) than she ever did in early episodes of Married... With Children (1989). So what happens when a girl is ugly or nerdy in high school and is ignored by the cool kids, but when she gets older the popular kids in her neighborhood start checking her out and telling her how hot and "cool" she is? I once met a woman who hoped her kid's friends would call her a MILF when she got older. Never underestimate a woman's capacity for low self-esteem.


• Under 30: This paints a broad stroke, but women this age can still relate to most high school students on many levels. If they had a thing for jocks at that age, there is a chance they still might. Plus the adventurism from college may not have run its course.
• Just plain bored: I think this describes Debra LeFave the best. Good husband, solid life, no excitement. Hooking up with a good looking teenager and ducking the cops really gets the blood pumping.

Now that we understand the situation, let's see the warning signs.

• Few age appropriate friends: If all your contacts are significantly older or significantly younger, age really is just a number. Especially if you here a woman pointing out how manly and mature a 13 year old kid is.
• Immature attitude: No regard for sacrifice or pleasure deferred equals a recipe for disaster from a woman in one of the above life situations. Also this is apparent in women who cannot properly develop adult relationships outside the family.
• Excessive socializing with minors: If you party or drink with kids a lot, bad things can happen.
• Resistence to reason: If you find someone in an above life situation, notice the warning signs, you give the "Come to Jesus" speech and they still relent - well, my suggestion is to back up and watch the fireworks.

So now you know how to identify a woman who will bang a kid before she gets caught. Hey, blackmail may be illegal, but it is effective at negotiating win-win solutions. (wink!) Happy hunting!

Congrats Danica!

Congratulations to Danica Patrick on her first Indy win! Sure it took 50 tries, and she was forced to weight down her car to compensate for her weight advantage - but now people can finally stop giving her the business.

Personally, I don't mind women drivers, especially when they drive me. I get to sleep more and drink more with not a care in the world.

Apparently Japanese men like female drivers too.





Happy Monday people!

Yes, I've Lost My Edge

Nati has already given me grief about not being on top of the Eliot "Client 9" Spitzer story. Certainly a funny post about former Gov. Eliot "$4500forahalfandhalfareyoufuckingkiddingme" Spitzer would be par for the course here at TFTDS. I am sure some of you were waiting with bated breath about how I would commentate on Easy E "I'vepickedupgirlsfromstarbucksandIwasbrokeatthetime" Spitzer's situation. But, I think the story has been done to death, and honestly - the only real shocker was that he paid so much. Ugly NFL linebackers are supposed to pay for sex, not high powered politicians. That's what the staffers are for.

Speaking of thieves and women, there is another one that I find way more interesting. He is not a governor or politician, although he has stolen his (much smaller) share of money. His name is Stephen Trantel, and I saw his story on 48 Hours (CBS) while I decided whether or not I should hang out with some girls in corsets at a Minneapolis club. Pictures will be up later, you be the judge...

Here is the digest... Mr. Trantel was your typical family man in the Wall Street trading biz. He loved his wife and family, and got caught up in the rat race of making lots of money to buy a house so large he could barely afford it, and trust fund level schools that his kids didn't need. The financial pressure hit him hard, and eventually he was forced off the commodities floor - essentially losing his job. No alternative means of employment was enough to make things happen, so he decided to hit Google and learn how to be a bank robber. He did, and came up with a successful set of rules that allowed him to rob at least 8 banks with ease. He was only captured because greed and success prevented him from changing up his MO before the cops caught on.

Aside from the secret life of the modern day Jesse James (sans death), Mr. Trantel seemed to be a loving father and devoted husband. And he was so successful, the district attorney over his case was forced to give him a sweet deal on prison time (8 years) because there was no other way to tie him to all the banks he allegedly knocked over. On the 48 Hours program he seemed geniunely contrite and sorrowful - acknowledging he did it all just to support his family.

So why did Mr. Trantel's wife leave him while he was in prison? She had some blame for his actions - she refused to be a part of the financial management of the household, yet she demanded the very things Trantel had to rob banks to finance. While I do not advocate theft as a vocation, you are not going to find a man more dedicated than him. Plus her notion of, "I deserve to have my freedom" was sickening. As I've said here before, the woman owns the emotional barometer of a relationship... if she missed the change in his life, she doesn't "deserve" anything. Rather than support her husband in his time of need; she hit the treadmill, and the singles bars looking for something new. Humbug.

At least Gov. Spitzer got something for the money he earned, Mr. Trantel only got eight years and no appreciation at all.

You Know What, I Think I Will Just Be A Jerk

One of my friends pointed out last fall that I was a complete jerk, especially to women. Just to see what would happen, I decided to not be a dick on a first date. I opened doors, I paid for stuff, I was generally nice and sweet, and I noticed and pointed out how pretty my date was that night. We went to nice restaurants in nice neighborhoods, and I was a complete gentleman.

Four first dates, four dead ends.

I think I will go back to being a jackass. Bees like honey, women like vinegar.

Free The Juice!

Some might hate me for saying this - but there is just something wrong about OJ Simpson actually going to jail. Sure, most of the white people in this country thinks he killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, but hey - he got off in spectacular fashion, and the civil suit ensures he can't live too extravagant a lifestyle. So why not let him be? There is something kinda awesome in a "rah rah Darth Vader" sort of way when you imagine him mobbing the streets of Las Vegas with his armed posse. That "whole taking back what's his" attitude hasn't been around since the cowboy era.

After all, he has a life that is as interesting to watch from the sidelines as his performance on the football field. His feuds with Ron Goldman. His cockblocking of the star of Superbad. His coked out big tittied girlfriend. Searching for the real killer at the links in South Florida. You want to really give all that up just so you can forget about him in jail?



Baby... I'm just livin'!

I honestly don't give a damn about OJ. But I do care a lot about me. And man, I had a stupid grin on my face when I heard that OJ was back in the news again. Maybe it's because I was a huge fan of 1st and 10 with a hot Delta Burke - but there is just something about the man. Sure he's probably a double murderer - but that doesn't make him any less entertaining!

Hail Cigarettes! Hail Smoking!

Thanks to the machinations of the nanny-state and companies like Disney, there are few activities more defiant than smoking. Smoking cigarettes calms the nerves, sharpens the mind, and adds a sense of cool detachment to your demeanor. Smoking cigars is an exercise in class, and forces you to slow down, relax, and enjoy yourself. Try smoking a nice churchill in less than 10 minutes if you don't believe me.

Sure, smoking can be hazardous to your health - just like drinking alcohol, jaywalking, tackle football, having a stressful job, and driving in Atlanta rush hour. Until we cure cancer, everyone is guaranteed to die of something - might as well enjoy life while you are here.

And cheers to Mrs. Winnie Langley of the UK, who just turned 100 years old. And she celebrated her truly great day with her 170,000th cigarette. Five cigarettes a day has gotten her through two World Wars and a whole lot of bs since then. She is no heavy hitter like the two pack a day folks here in the States, but slow and steady wins the race as the saying goes.

No Guy Wants to Be A Good Catch

A funny thing happened on my long death march through my mid-twenties. After the wild years of fraternity life, mostly as an alumnus; picking up girls from Indiana to Iceland; breaking up with women for as frivolous a reason as I didn't like how they walked (pre-coitus anyway); going on ten day benders; some how, in spite of all the shit I pulled, I became a "good catch."

No single guy wants to hear something like that from anyone besides his mother. This term signals two important non mutually exclusive things: a) this guy is too "good" for meaningless yet incredibly fun random hookups, and/or b) this guy is a great long term provider and must be isolated and made miserable. Unless you are in a culture that promotes arranged marriages - an indictment of "good catch" means a very frustrating social life.

Honestly, the label does no good at all. No one wants to be the guy she didn't feel comfortable using him like a rag doll until she felt worthy of him. Everyone young guy wants to be the dude a girl will fuck but is too ashamed to talk about with her parents.

In this post-feminist world we live in, parents and families at large don't have much say in who a woman chooses to date, marry, or "fuck and chuck." Without that objective, nuisanced, and wise counsel - many women are destined to make horrible mistakes in romance, and what man doesn't want to be that "mistake?" Good god, O.J. fucking Simpson is still getting strange! (hat tip to Deadspin.)


I get around! Round and Round! Round and Round!

Maybe some killers are great in the sack, who knows. Hell, one of my friends from work saw a bunch of girls in the club hitting on none other than Magic Johnson! I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one - if you are saavy enough to know who he is, how could you not know he has fucking AIDS. Yes, the uncurable and debilitating disease that everyone in the world should know he has. These guys aren't good catches, yet given the circumstances, they are doing amazingly well.

Why even bother with being a "good catch?" Besides alleged killers (who all but admit to the crime in a book) and longtime AIDS victims, here is a short list of "bad catches" who get all kinds of ass.

• Drug dealers - Chicks like the flash
• Drug users - Chicks are cheap
• Alleged rapists - Chicks like experience
• Deadbeat dads - Chicks like drama
• Drunken assholes - Chicks like fun (maybe ending the bender was a bad idea)

With over half of all first time marriages ending in divource, there isn't a lot of hope for guys who want to settle down while they are young, eager, and stupid. If a guy wants to get married in his thirties, being labeled a "good catch" only assures a long, and boring wait.

I'm With Ookie

I love dogs. Really, I do. And if Michael Vick turns out to be the Don King of dogfighting, he should be punished. At the very least, this whole episode should encourage every professional athlete to hire one guy to say, "you know what, let's just make it a Blockbuster night" whenever bad ideas are put out in the open. (I'm free!) At this point, however, universal condemnation is not in order.

Just today, former prosecutor Michael Nifong admitted in open court that he had no hard evidence against the Duke lacrosse players before he ripped their lives to shreds. No qualifications, just a pure admission of guilt. Were it not for bloggers like William Anderson over at Lewrockwell.com and the large purses of the player's families - they would be on trial right now, and still universally condemned in the court of public opinion. Let's not forget Kobe Bryant, while not the picture of perfect husbandry, he has no reason to force himself on easy white girls either. He also faced universal condemnation until the facts began to show us the way from the darkness of innuendo to the light of truth.

Michael Vick is no Pacman Jones. Pacman is suspended for a full season because for whatever reason, the man is constantly arrested, is always on a police blotter, and because of his actions another man may never walk again. Michael Vick has never been arrested, and while he has made some bad decisions off the field as of late - he has not, even now, helped to bring down the overall image of the Atlanta Falcons or the National Football League. He is no saint, but he is no super sinner either.

The worst is that any attempt to salvage his good name by his fellow players and other writers is immediately shouted down. Peter King's abuse of the great athlete and well liked Emmitt Smith was uncalled for, and the fact that he cited former Klansman and top KKK recruiter Sen. Robert Byrd in his attack was violently offensive.

I love dogs. But ruining the career of a living man for the sake of dogs long dead before a conviction is morally wrong.