Heading NORTH for the Winter

My bosses laughed at me when I said I was taking Friday off to fly to Minneapolis. Sure, I have friends in Miami, Los Angeles, Austin, New Orleans, and other warm weather locales - but Minneapolis holds a special place in my heart.

When I lived in Minneapolis, I spend a lot of time working, fencing, and volunteering with my fraternity. And the relationships I made there were strong, and suprisingly resilient enough to last through my moving to the South, my friend's deployments to the Mideast, and even another's return to his home in Norway. I can be friendly and gregarious, but hanging with my friends in Minneapolis - I feel like I am at home.



After all, Minneapolis has a lot going for it, as you can see.

Most of my time was spent with a glass in my hand, and a glassy look in my eye. Unfortunately, that plan didn't do much for my fencing on Sunday morning, but competing in an epee tournamen was an afterthought. It's funny, because of the new 3-1-1 rule for liquids I need to check my bag if I want to bring my shaving products and cologne. And its just as easy for me to check my fencing bag (with my toiletries stored within) as it is to check my normal travel bag. Before that TSA bright idea - I probably would have let fencing go to avoid baggage claim and spent all Saturday night hanging out with these ladies...



It's just as well... I needed the tournament experience. Besides, even though I was in a hotel in the suburbs, I never once felt alone... I am sure to be back soon.

Heading to Miami Tomorrow

It has been two years since I have been on a week long vacation. The last one was in Iceland in 2005; the one before that was a grand tour of the midwest through Indianapolis, Chicago, St. Louis, with a quick jaunt to New Jersey. This time I will be staying with one of my friends in Coral Gables, about 20 min away from the fencing venue. Can't beat free.

I am bringing my camera, so there should be good pictures. I don't have an appropriate nickname for my friend, and she didn't like that she was called years ago by one of my fraternity brothers (something along the lines of "one of" and "hoes"), but she should have one by the time I get back.

I will be in town from June 28-July 9, fencing on July 2 and July 8 - hopefully all day. If you are in the area, hit me up in the comments. Wish me luck!

Designer Vaginas Are All The Rage

When I read this article today, I wasn't sure if I was in pain, or about to die laughing. While vaginal rejuvenation and hymen reconstruction surgery is awesome for turning a dirty Muslim slut into a virginal and holy young maid, that just doesn't seem to be enough.

The next step is elective genitoplasty, or the "designer vagina." Rather than make the woman tighter, or erase the evidence that she was a whore in college - this operation simply makes the vag look "prettier." Women who get the surgery do bring pics of the way they want to look, but also complain of lifestyle limitations.

These restrictions included inability to wear tight clothing, go to the beach, take communal showers or ride a bicycle comfortably, or avoidance of some sexual practices.

Men, however, do not usually want the size of their genitals reduced for such reasons. Furthermore, they find alternative solutions for any discomfort arising from rubbing or chaffing of the genitals. [italics mine]

Let's see - can't wear tight clothes or bikinis, no cowgirl, but a perfect argument for anal? Sounds like a toss-up to me.

Kim Kardashian: Mom Must Be So Proud

One happy screwed-up family

There is a not lot going on today, and given the choice between discussing Newt Gingrich's para-run for the White House and Kim Kardashian's latest attempt to kill by STD, the choice was easy.

Mom must be feeling great right after Mother's Day. The sex tape was one thing, and now she gets to hear that her daughter gets set up with boys by Matt Leinart and Paris Hilton. Given the reason for her late husband Robert's fame, I can only imagine the conversation over New Orlean's RB Reggie Bush.

Kim: He is so fucking sexy, and rich. More people notice me when I am with him!
Mom: Does he have a temper honey? Does he wear Bruno Maglis?
Kim: Why the fuck would you ask that? I mean, he hate fucks me if he sees me grabbing another guy's ass - but that's feels AWESOME!
Mom: Well, he doesn't get really jealous, does he? Robert would turn in his grave if he thought you would get in the same mess as Nicole.
Kim: What the hell are you talking about? Reggie is not fucking OJ Simpson! He loves me!
Mom: Come on Kim... you don't exactly come off as the pinnacle of fidelity. And I am not spotting you for your Valtrex refill if you keep this up!
Kim: Penna of what? Did you call me a fucking penis? Fuck you mom, I don't need your charity. My dealer said to just pour coke on the sores, it will do the same thing.
Mom: Yes, thank you for your Mother's Day gift. One less daughter.

I'm not saying Reggie Bush will marry Kim Kardashian and then kill her... but I'd understand.