You Broke My Heart, TRAITOR!!!!

Coulda been you, Benedict Asshole.

And I thought we were friends. I thought we understood each other. Sure, we don't share everything, but I assumed that such a level of friendship would come in time. Hell, I thought I would get to give you a gentle ribbing when you told the pizza guy to meet you on the side of the building. I always thought you were a little too huggy huggy when you were drunk... and anyone who orders a Chardonnay at an IU college bar has GOT to smoke some pole (you should have saved that for Crawfordsville). And hey, we're both young, swingin' guys - who says we need to settle down for a single gender. Now that I am nice and thin, why should the girls have all the fun? Let's just say I was a little curious when I followed you and that ripped, sexy, pizza man around the corner...



But no, you weren't smoking pole, you were sucking down a sub! A Submarine sandwich! And not even a toasted one, but "OVEN ROASTED??" How could you!!! The only thing those fags at Domino's ever came up with was an annoyingly iconic 'Noid! Their pizza tastes like shit - you think they can make a fucking sandwich?




It's bad enough that Quizno's has some worn out whore begging for more meat (nothing can fill that canyon!) - but now Domino's has you hiding in alleys swallowing their hero like some old San Francisco queen's bitch!

No, I DON'T want a bite. I'm not hungry anyway... but I will have a nice five. Five Dollar. Five Dollar Foot Long later. Enjoy your meal, cocksucker.

Sometimes, I Wonder If They Expect Us To Believe Them

Personally, I get offended whenever politicians say things that are patently untrue or make no damned sense. This is why the only political news show I can watch without puking is The Daily Show. I'm no liberal, but Jon Stewart seems to be the only major "newscaster" not willing to accept lies and complete fabrications. Just in the last week at least four presidential candidates make statements that make absolutely no sense.

For my own health, and your edification I have created The Reality Check. This new blog is designed to debunk and delouse the complete inventions that politicians make expecting the American public to swallow as gospel. Like McCain's assertion that the Constitution establishes the US as a "Christian nation." Nevermind the Constitution does the exact opposite. Pandering might equal "sweet nothings," but someone with McCain's reputation should know better. Maybe his reputation (and the rest's) should be debunked too.

Would You F*** Your 50 Year Old Bus Driver?

Let me ride! Hell yeah...

As I struggled to comprehend the Newsday story from New York, I thought about my own bus driver from middle school. And the fact that she was the same age back then as the woman in this story. Then I threw up a little in my mouth. It tasted metallic and orangy - probably from the stomach acid and orange juice I just drank earlier.

In case you didn't click the link, the perp, Lois Enden, was a 56 year old female teacher's aide who helped kids on and off buses. The victim was an 11 year old boy. That is a 45 year gap, and puberty must have set in just as Ms. Enden laid eyes on the kid. The more I think about this the more I have to lean over into my wastebasket.