No Guy Wants to Be A Good Catch

A funny thing happened on my long death march through my mid-twenties. After the wild years of fraternity life, mostly as an alumnus; picking up girls from Indiana to Iceland; breaking up with women for as frivolous a reason as I didn't like how they walked (pre-coitus anyway); going on ten day benders; some how, in spite of all the shit I pulled, I became a "good catch."

No single guy wants to hear something like that from anyone besides his mother. This term signals two important non mutually exclusive things: a) this guy is too "good" for meaningless yet incredibly fun random hookups, and/or b) this guy is a great long term provider and must be isolated and made miserable. Unless you are in a culture that promotes arranged marriages - an indictment of "good catch" means a very frustrating social life.

Honestly, the label does no good at all. No one wants to be the guy she didn't feel comfortable using him like a rag doll until she felt worthy of him. Everyone young guy wants to be the dude a girl will fuck but is too ashamed to talk about with her parents.

In this post-feminist world we live in, parents and families at large don't have much say in who a woman chooses to date, marry, or "fuck and chuck." Without that objective, nuisanced, and wise counsel - many women are destined to make horrible mistakes in romance, and what man doesn't want to be that "mistake?" Good god, O.J. fucking Simpson is still getting strange! (hat tip to Deadspin.)


I get around! Round and Round! Round and Round!

Maybe some killers are great in the sack, who knows. Hell, one of my friends from work saw a bunch of girls in the club hitting on none other than Magic Johnson! I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one - if you are saavy enough to know who he is, how could you not know he has fucking AIDS. Yes, the uncurable and debilitating disease that everyone in the world should know he has. These guys aren't good catches, yet given the circumstances, they are doing amazingly well.

Why even bother with being a "good catch?" Besides alleged killers (who all but admit to the crime in a book) and longtime AIDS victims, here is a short list of "bad catches" who get all kinds of ass.

• Drug dealers - Chicks like the flash
• Drug users - Chicks are cheap
• Alleged rapists - Chicks like experience
• Deadbeat dads - Chicks like drama
• Drunken assholes - Chicks like fun (maybe ending the bender was a bad idea)

With over half of all first time marriages ending in divource, there isn't a lot of hope for guys who want to settle down while they are young, eager, and stupid. If a guy wants to get married in his thirties, being labeled a "good catch" only assures a long, and boring wait.

Erin McLean, A Girl To Die For?

What a happy family.

Most of my friends know I am partial to redheads... and blondes... and especially girls whose hair is naturally orange like Vitamin C's... but I digress. The point is that Erin McLean isn't worth going to jail for, much less taking a couple rounds of buckshot to the face.

Seriously, this woman nearly beats her kid for mentioning to Dad that a strange man was holding Mommy's hand when the three of them went to the park. I love both my parents, but I am not sure even I am that loyal. Click the link to see a pic of the dead kid - although he looks like a vanilla redneck kid to me. Maybe I really don't understand women. I get it when women fall for guys like Tom Brady or Shamar Moore, and I can see that even Chris "You're with me, Leather" Berman looks like Tony Soprano. But a skinny fuck like Sean Powell? I'm lost.

I have been following this trend for over a year now, and I still don't get this one. I get the single women who are lonely, the nerdy women who never was good enough for the cool kids until they hit MILF status, the youngish twentysomethings who still get damp over the cut up high school varsity athletes, the women so stuck in a rut they just want to do something nasty, and the women who are so neglected by their husbands that the easy praise from male jailbait starts to be irresistable. But this one - a woman with a career with a future, a supportive, attentive, and apparently passionate husband, an obviously intelligent and sensitive kid - and she still throws it all away from some 19 year old white trash with no prospects? Are people born this stupid or do they have to practice?