An Oldie But A Goodie

I wrote this after having one of the most uncomfortable conversations in my entire life. I was checking my email in a hotel room during a fraternity conference, and a bunch of guys and one girl (all white) stopped by looking for alcohol (we had none).

Anyway, one of the guys asked me if I was looking at porn. From what I remember, I was not - just checking the email. Strangely, the conversation turned to specific types of porn, and one of the guys started singing the praises of interracial porn. This guy started talking in detail about how he loved watching big black guys rail these little white girls, and other guys just jumped in in agreement. I felt like just walking out - except of course, it was my room. I looked at the girl (someone's girlfriend), and she looked at me with a strange look I was not willing to decipher. Eventually, my roommate kicked everyone out, and I penned the story below.

It's relatively funny, completely offensive and Rated R.
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I'm Your One Black Friend!

What’s up dogg? Ha, just kidding man. Thank God it’s Friday. How’s the job? Mine is boring too, until I see Sheila from accounting with her fine white ass and big white titties. Come on man, you guys have monopolized the Vanilla Sky for too long. Is the game on? No, I meant the hockey game. Dumbass.

Still looking for a girlfriend? No wonder, you look like a chump. A plaid shirt and hunting boots make you look like a serial killa, not a tru playa. Let me change your wardrobe. Let’s get you some looser fitting slacks and an ungodly loud shirt, and accessorize with a chain and a nice watch. Now you won’t be able to keep the women off you.

Now that you are looking fly, let's go out to the dance club!. Awesome, we're just in time for the blackout! Let’s go on the dance floor. What, you can’t dance? Come on, go out there… give it a shot! Ok, ok, wow, lets go back… what were you doing out there? You looked like an albino flamingo having a seizure. No wonder you can’t get any women. Rather than dance, just kinda nod your head to the beat, like its good music, but you are too cool to be bothered. Then when a girl wants to dance, you just kinda let her do her thing in front of you – you play your cards right, all you gotta do is grab her hips every now and again when she grinds on you. How do I know all this? What black guy doesn’t know all this?

No, you can’t say the N-word, I don’t care how cool it is. Even if it is in a rap song. Well, just once. Yeah, you’re my nigga too. Don’t worry, if anyone says anything, just tell them your one black friend said its ok.

While you are at the bar, why don’t you get me a Hypnotiq and Hennessy. Get yourself one too. Yes, it looks and tastes like a blend of antifreeze and motor oil, but Juvenile likes it so it must be good. At least it tastes better than that 40oz Colt 45 you gave me before we left your place. Nobody who has money drinks that shit.

Look’s like you are doing better out there, I hope you get that brunette’s phone number you were grinding on. Where’s the blonde? She just went to the bathroom… she is really digging me man, and if I am lucky, I will be digging her too. She’s totally coo-coo for cocoa puffs. It’s all your fault anyway. You white people worked so hard to keep your sisters and daughters away from black men for so long, the whole white female sex is just overcome by curiosity. Do you think Seal got Heidi Klum because of his rugged good looks? Haha, don’t worry… you white boys still have the Asian strange sewed up. Ok, this is not the proper context to use the N-word.

Hey, thanks for giving me and Sarah a ride to my place. Yeah, I’m sorry you had to see that in your rearview mirror – but you said earlier you liked downloading interracial porn off the internet, so I figured it was ok. I am sure those love stains will come right off the leather with a little soap and water. At least now you have something to talk about in your diversity training class on Monday.

It was good hanging out with you, see you next year!

No Guy Wants to Be A Good Catch

A funny thing happened on my long death march through my mid-twenties. After the wild years of fraternity life, mostly as an alumnus; picking up girls from Indiana to Iceland; breaking up with women for as frivolous a reason as I didn't like how they walked (pre-coitus anyway); going on ten day benders; some how, in spite of all the shit I pulled, I became a "good catch."

No single guy wants to hear something like that from anyone besides his mother. This term signals two important non mutually exclusive things: a) this guy is too "good" for meaningless yet incredibly fun random hookups, and/or b) this guy is a great long term provider and must be isolated and made miserable. Unless you are in a culture that promotes arranged marriages - an indictment of "good catch" means a very frustrating social life.

Honestly, the label does no good at all. No one wants to be the guy she didn't feel comfortable using him like a rag doll until she felt worthy of him. Everyone young guy wants to be the dude a girl will fuck but is too ashamed to talk about with her parents.

In this post-feminist world we live in, parents and families at large don't have much say in who a woman chooses to date, marry, or "fuck and chuck." Without that objective, nuisanced, and wise counsel - many women are destined to make horrible mistakes in romance, and what man doesn't want to be that "mistake?" Good god, O.J. fucking Simpson is still getting strange! (hat tip to Deadspin.)


I get around! Round and Round! Round and Round!

Maybe some killers are great in the sack, who knows. Hell, one of my friends from work saw a bunch of girls in the club hitting on none other than Magic Johnson! I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one - if you are saavy enough to know who he is, how could you not know he has fucking AIDS. Yes, the uncurable and debilitating disease that everyone in the world should know he has. These guys aren't good catches, yet given the circumstances, they are doing amazingly well.

Why even bother with being a "good catch?" Besides alleged killers (who all but admit to the crime in a book) and longtime AIDS victims, here is a short list of "bad catches" who get all kinds of ass.

• Drug dealers - Chicks like the flash
• Drug users - Chicks are cheap
• Alleged rapists - Chicks like experience
• Deadbeat dads - Chicks like drama
• Drunken assholes - Chicks like fun (maybe ending the bender was a bad idea)

With over half of all first time marriages ending in divource, there isn't a lot of hope for guys who want to settle down while they are young, eager, and stupid. If a guy wants to get married in his thirties, being labeled a "good catch" only assures a long, and boring wait.

It's All Fun And Games Until You Get Shot In The Face

Hubby won't care, will he?

John Gibson over at Fox News thinks I should stop giggling because now one of these "victims" of hot teacher sex got killed. Well, I will do my best, but I am not promising anything.

Honestly, I can't blame Eric McLean for shooting a high school boy who was coming to his house to fuck his wife Erin (above). If I was on a jury, I would only convict him of not laying the smacketh down soon enough. A swift kick in the nuts six months earlier may have kept him out of the papers.

Good lord, even in the pornos the hubby is out of town, or asleep... This kid, Nick Powell, has the nerve to cuckold this guy while he is at home and awake? If you are a man and a high schooler comes to your house to take your wife out for Big Macs and creampies - what would you do if you had a shotgun handy?

I am not saying Eric McLean did the right thing - but in this "love" triangle, he is the only relatively innocent party.

In other news, not only does Erin McLean suck dick, she also sucks at suicide. Do something right for once Erin, here are some tips.

Temptations

I found another one!

St. Patty's Day usually is a very interesting time for me. This year was a little different. I stayed at home Friday night for a couple reasons. First, I had a fencing tournament on Saturday morning. Second, I am going through a tough breakup with Labatt Blue as a beer of choice. I had "The Blue" charged with domestic violence after I ended up blowing chunks for three hours after only three 16oz cans. The hangover I understood - the projectile vomiting has to stop.

Saturday was a bit better - I got railed in one event (read more here), and took a nap before going to a private party in Buckhead. There I met some interesting folks - including retirees, my friend's ex-girlfriend, a cute real estate agent who is on Hot or Not, and most importantly a tall pretty Danish girl who bares a striking resemblence to my ex from Indiana.

As I was listening to my friend's ex blather on about her running schedule, my eyes locked on to HotDane's as she strolled into the apartment with her friends. She smiled back brightly as I smiled at her, and ended up talking to some random guy. I didn't want to be anxious, but I didn't want to delay either. As soon as it was appropriate, I got out of the boring conversation I was in, and worked my way across the room, finally meeting HotDane on the balcony. She was still relatively new to the US, but she spoke great English, was relatively intelligent, and friendly. The only thing holding her back was the two kids and the husband at home.

I was a bit shocked when she said she was married. I don't know many married women who wear jeans with a rip just below the left asscheek so you can see its tone and color. Everything in me said this girl was ready to rock and roll - all she needed was someone to help her make music. And for the first time in a long time, I was willing to ignore her ring and do a rendition of "Doin' It Well." Eventually I let her go, and she went home soon after - ostensibly to take care of her children.

I am pretty good about avoiding the whole adultery thing - a) because it is wrong and b) what goes around comes around. But that experience made me wonder, is there a non-celebrity/pornstar woman out there who can make me say fuck it - I will worry about the crazed husband later?

Ripping Up My Diploma - More Teacher Sex

When the teachers start to look like this, I am re-enrolling.

As I wait to head out to my free Glenlivet tasting, I figure I may as well report on our moral superiors in the Northeast. Marcia Amsterdam, a good looking thirtysomething teacher, is accused of raping a 13 year old boy in Brooklyn. (By the way, a girl can only rape a boy through sodomy... vaginal sex doesn't cut it in my book. I wish the newspapers would be more clear. )While it is obvious she could have found someone her age, I just keep wondering aloud why these women only bang kids from their own schools. At least grab some horny teenager from the prep school across the way... at least the kids there can afford to pick up dinner! Click here to get a cool slideshow of 15 or so female teachers in hot water so far.

The best is from WorldNetDaily. Not only have they been keeping track of these episodes as well - the editors use the epidemic as a clarion call for homeschooling!

It's funny how people want to give the state and teachers more control over the children these days. Well, I suppose if you are railing teachers after school, you aren't gonna end up obese.

I love that now when I put "emma starr teacher" into Google Image Search, my picture pops up.

EDIT: I've updated my TeacherSex tab - so all the sexademic goodness is available to you in one page!

It's Been Too Long - More Teacher Sex

No Billy, you don't have to be smart to get in my panties...


I have been incognegro for the last few days - stomach flu, hungover, passed out... now I am back in the saddle.

Here are your sexy Teacher sex updates - pics where available.

Emily Willis was caught spending a late Friday night/early Saturday morning with a 14 year old at her middle school. I know that backseat car sex brings back memories, but $50 bucks at the Motel 6 would have kept you out of jail.

Kelly Cuperus pleaded guilty to sexual exploitation this week. While not carrying the penalities for the charges of sexual abuse, she will still have to register as a sex offender. She is not that much of a looker, so I almost understand. After all, outside sex and drinking, there ain't shit to do in Iowa.

I know a lot of guys in NYC, and while they may not go to the Bronx just to bang this blonde - they might reconsider if they knew that her only alternative is a threatening passenger on the short bus. Seriously, Emily Streb is no supermodel, but you'd think she would try the local bar or Craiglist before she fucks a retarded kid.

This one just hurts... Allena Williams is almost in commuting distance from Atlanta. I can almost understand wanting to hook up with the 17 year old junior or senior quarterback... hell he will pull 21-22 year olds in college anyway, but 14 or 15? What's the deal?

Here is another messed up SpecialEd teacher, Jodi Church. While Peoria, IL has all the excitement of Iowa - why she needs to make it with a retarded kid makes no sense. BTW, authorities have not confirmed if the kid was Church's student - but I feel the authorities would have released that info if it is not the case.

Man, retarded kids got it made. They are almost wards of the state, nothing is expected out of them - and they still get laid.

Where Have All The Good Girls Gone?

Atlanta is filled with some nutty women. Many of them have their exploits recorded here, others... well I just don't want that kind of information getting out. One girl who I have lost track of is a fan of Craiglist's casual encounters section. For those of you who don't know - this online red light district is the perfect place for women and gay men to troll for horny guys. But before you guys rush to click the link - keep in mind the ratios are NOT in your favor. And most hetero female ads are pretty much porn sites.

One exception was a girl who ran this very interesting summer blog. Basically this chick runs around malls near major office buildings, and teases guys over lunch. Here is one gem.

Those who know me also know I am a flirt and a tease that’ll do things that one wouldn’t expect when you least expect. When we met after a quick hug, I sat back down in my car and took off my panties. My skirt was incredibly short and he just about flipped.

Of course, I found out about this girl during the time I spent most of my days sleeping, swimming, fencing, and watching Charmed (Rose, call me!) and Law and Order. We had some limited correspondence, but she wisely kept her vital contact info under wraps. Interestingly enough, she inspired other Atlanta women to do similar acts - only they didn't stop at teasing.

Part of me thinks this is all bullshit, but then again I wasn't joking when I said earlier that I met a woman here who had an impromptu orgy with her moving crew. Atlanta does have a flashy veneer, but under it is a wildness that defies belief. Of course, seeing is believing.

Sexytime Relationship Management(SRM) - Hot and Cold

Last Friday I planned to have a busy night. I scheduled a happy hour at Fox and Hounds near my place at 6pm, and then planned to take out a cute blonde for a night of salsa dancing and drinks at 8:30pm. The blonde was meant to be working late on Friday so I didn't invite her to the happy hour. That worked out because we only met recently, and I invited another girl (Blonde #2) I had a passing interest instead.

Of course, these things rarely work out as planned. Blonde #2 arrived a bit late, and with a few friends in tow. Great conversation, good food, and good friends all around assured that it would be a fun night. Then I got a text message from Blonde #1 that she was arriving at my place a full 90 minutes ahead of schedule. Well, this could get awkward. I excused myself and left briefly to drive the three minutes to my condo to pick up my date for the night. When I found her, she was attired in a pretty satin dress and was looking very impressive. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, lightly joked about her early arrival - and informed her we would be at a bar for an hour or so. She wasn't happy about being overdressed, but she was fine with it.

Arriving back at Fox and Hounds, I made an effort to introduce Blonde #1 to most of the group, while Blonde #2 was engaged with my friends and her own. I lavished attention on Blonde #1, and when appropriate, I visited Blonde #2 and lavished attention on her - and make sure to kiss her cheek before I left with Blonde #1.

As the night went on (as dancing turned into drunken writhing), I wondered how I could have better handled that situation. Blonde #2 was always a bit unreliable, so I didn't worry too much about upsetting her. Yet, had I had more of an advanced relationship with B2 - I would have been in trouble.

I typically can handle these sorts of situations on my own, but this time I needed help from Taki. Just recently he posted an article that seemed to be spot on.

But not everybody who uses chat-up lines is a playboy, otherwise you’d have 50 million Italian playboys and ten million Greek ones. Show me an Italian or a Greek man who doesn’t flirt and I’ll show you a pervert. Flirting has never ruined a marriage or driven a wife to drink. Coldness does that. Men who flirt usually service their wives regularly, and everyone else they can get hold of. (italics mine)

The coldness piece caught my attention. I find it is easy to flirt with a whole group of women, as long as I am careful not to neglect any of them. I also realized that most women (and men for that matter) tend to realize their partner is cheating once he starts becoming cold towards her. It also explains how Magic Johnson can get HIV from sleeping around, yet his wife still goes through the effort of condoms and frequent check-ups just so she can have sex with her adulterous husband. The now insane Britney Spears didn't dump K-Fed because he knocked her up and spent her money (and most likely cheated on her) ... he became cold to her. Even in my experience, I dated a girl in Indiana who didn't mind if I slept with other women because she knew how much I hungered for her. And she wouldn't even allow herself the same freedom.

So according to Taki, the only thing I could have done better is to make sure that both women knew I deeply desired them, and to even suggest marriage... although I won't go that far.

The article goes on to give even more tips on how to be a better playboy, chief of which is to be generous. Unfortunately, playboys don't have the cultural impact they had in the past - after all, one must be rich to be a playboy. It is much cheaper to be a player/playa... and being a pimp don't cost nuthin'.

Happy Valentine's Day - Especially in NYC

I will meet you on the East-West MARTA babygirl!

To all the ladies who read my blog, Happy Valentine's Day. I may call you a nasty slut to your face, but rest assured I call you a sweet darling angel behind your back.

To all the guys, you are better off getting your girl drunk for VD. Nuff said.

To all, enjoy the day meant for romance, while it lasts. St. Valentine's apocryphal story of arranging marriages and sending love notes to his jail's daughter before his execution was meant to instill Feb. 14 with a significance surrounding romance and love in marriage. Of course, NYC is all about the deed. For VD, Mayor Bloomberg's health department is handing out free condoms (5th and 50th - still time!) to the citizens of Manhattan. And just for the occasion, the condoms are subway themed - with a different color scheme to match each subway line. Awwww....

No word on a similar program in Atlanta - although I did have a woman ask me if I was willing to ride the MARTA subway with her one night and hook up. Personally, if it is not road head, I'd rather fly.

That Chick Astronaut Didn't Have a Chance

It's not often you can say that about an astronaut. Most men who make it to that level have very high level military aviation careers - and have been kicking ass for at least 15 years. The women are no slouches too... We all know what Astronaut Nowak looks like, but get a load of the competition.


I bang astronauts. Boo-yah!

Seriously. She is no Scarlett Johanssen, but I guarandamntee Capt. Colleen "Fly ME High" Shipman is the star of every Officer's Club Happy Hour. I don't even know why Nowak even bothered... it's not like her life wasn't fulfilling already.

Sales Guys Are Dangerous

Prospecting meeting


Most of my friends are pretty level-headed. I never attracted bad apples to my inner circle - naughty apples certainly, nasty bananas to be sure, and drunking sluts - but never actual bad apples. The closest quasi bad apple was this male nurse from Fiji who used to bang married female nurses two at a time and actually picked up a waitress at Hooter's (no foolin', I was there). Apparently, the key is to avoid hitting on the servers, and go straight for the older bartender at the front. Sure she might be a little older than the 20 year olds on the floor, but they are very attention starved.

So whenever I go out and hit on or hook up with random girls, my level headed friends give me the spiel about getting an STD, or getting a girl pregnant, or catching women in a net. Miss Daisy and MadAngler are certainly part of that chorus. The exception is the sales guys. Sales guys are some of the most sex obsessed people I know. From the hot thirtysomething blonde who felt me up on a plane in college, to my first corporate boss who always asked me if I got laid that particular weekend (and claimed he could tell by looking), to the guys I hung out with last week wanting to know my threesome experiences (hilarious, that's all I am saying) - these guys are like jackrabbits.

Last Saturday at the resort bar (at the FL conference, see below), I am getting drunk and an older sales guy points out an attractive, but drunk blonde in a little black dress. He wants me to go after her, yet I want to continue to have a job. I refuse, and he asks why? I am still single, but I told him I really don't want my business out in the street. He retorts that any success I have can only help my cause. So, in that spirit, I walk over and chat her up. She is really drunk, and was ready to leave - but I talk her into hanging out a bit as she leans on me smiling. Of course a large man looks over my way and she goes, "My husband is going to be so pissed off..." Lovely.

I wander back and give a little report in traditional weekend business speak, "The drunk bitch was married." And yet at least four guys and one girl made a point to compliment me on my attempt. I always thought that this kind of stuff was reserved for wild clubs and bars, and the college life that I am still trying to leave behind. But this example, and others that my older sales friends related to me show that in sales it is all about prospecting, getting the meeting, and closing the deal. Apparently this philosophy works in business and the social life.

Surprisingly, I don't know any single/divourced sales guys over 40. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Best Super Bowl Quote Yet

The Cumslinger's bringing it!


This quote actually came from me - "What happened to the Sex Cannon? Grossman would throw an interception during a bukakke scene!"

GWB: "I Got 99 Problems But A Bitch Ain't One"

"W stands for Women. Especially this woman."

Anyone who still thinks politicians are dignified have got another thing coming. Check out this State of the Union video from KSTP-TV in Minnesota. After you click the link, check out the video where Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is feeling up the President of the United States. While Bush is enjoying public approval ratings as low as Nixon's were (33%) before his resignation - his body is 100% mantastic in Michele's book.

Pimpin' in Pre-K

Don't make Lil' Baby smack a bitch!

Seriously. I have been reporting on teachers and mothers banging kids for well over a year - and now La Vega Primary School wants to turn the trend on its head. A little kid getting a hug from his kindergarten teacher is now an attempt to cop a feel with his face. At four years old, Damarcus Blackwell's son has been disciplined for sexual harassment. At that age, little boys don't know the difference between boobs and empty gallon jugs of milk - much less anything else sexual.

I don't know about you, but if a woman can't handle the "sexual" advances of a four year old... forget about teaching, she needs to be put into a plastic bubble.

Playing the Newt - More Teacher Sex

"So this one time, at band camp... I got all horny and walked up to Mrs. Findlay and I go, 'Lap dance...' Then she giggidied my geschboygen. Heh heh, aww riiight."

This band teacher chick has a lot of nerve - not only does she fuck boys in her MIDDLE SCHOOL, she used her position as a teacher to get kids out of other classes to bang them during the day. Man, I really should have paid attention when Ms. Gross offered me that pack of blank hall passes. For her efforts she is facing 22 counts of first degree sexual offenses, which may land her anywhere from seven years to life imprisonment. Plus, she doesn't look superhot like Debra LaFave, so there is no getting out of this. Just think, because she couldn't wait until school got out to get some, there may be no more skin flute playing in her future. Or the pocket recorder. Or the hairy clarinet. Or as I just started calling mine, the hoe oboe.

It's amazing how much this kinda thing keeps popping up in the news now days (click link and scroll to black table). And thanks to a interesting chain of links started by McCarthyism, I learned that Georgia's own Newt Gingrich was a part of this phenomenon.

Most people remember Newt's reptilianly callous act of divourcing his first wife Jackie Battley while she was battling cancer. But most, or at least I, didn't know that Newt started dating Ms. Battley in high school when she was his geometry teacher! Once Newt was safely enrolled at Emory University, he was able to marry her publicly (against the advice of his stepfather), but the relationship between the 24 y/o buxom Ms. Battley and the 19 y/o slimy Newt was illegal. I wonder what his thoughts are on all these teacher sex stories today?

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Save Your High School ID

Most people save their college ID, and get discount movie tickets even after their face no longer has the fresh optimistic look that shines from their college ID picture. After reading this, I am going to dig around and find my high school ID.

In Texas, there is a law against educators sleeping with their students, even if the kid is of legal age. Ms. Amy McElhenney, a Spanish teacher and former 2002 Miss Texas contestant, is facing charges under this law that could land her in jail for 20 fucking years. Now, obviously Texas has a special problem with the horny teachers since three teachers from one school district were caught breaking this law in one year. And I agree with the spirit of the law which is basically preventing sexual extortion or rape. Besides, no one wants creepy old teachers hitting on their fresh face daughters with abandon. That also goes for gross looking old hags freaking the hell out of your innocent young son.

But if I am sitting in my senior spanish class asleep with my head on my desk (as I typically did), and a hot 25 year old blonde beauty queen who is only a couple years out of UT wakes me up and asks me to stay after class for some "tutoring," I am not saying no. Especially if I am 18. And if there is no evidence of coersion, or extortion, or whatnot - she shouldn't go to jail for it. Sure, she should be able to find someone her own age, but the kid was above the age of consent (17 in Texas), and if she was a saleswoman instead of a teacher - there wouldn't even be a story. Her reputation is deservedly ruined, but that is all the punishment she needs. But if Texas insists she needs more, I will give her a nice spankin'.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Why We Should Replace Teachers With Robots

I hate dealing with retarded kids. They are messy, they don't listen, and they drain my daily supply of patience in about 10 seconds. And I am not alone. One of my really guilty pleasures is to read the infamous Tard Blog, where a special education teacher explodes with scathing and hilarious prose concerning her little dumbass students. So while some teachers may enjoy working with disabled kids, most people don't want to be bothered.

For some reason, Bonnie Davis doesn't agree. She thinks that pegging a 14 y/o retarded kid in the ass is a hell of a good time. Why does this sound more like Alabama than Virginia? Now, the link doesn't say that's what she did - but I know what sodomy is, and I know what I described is the only thing my mind is willing to conjure in order to figure out what happened.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Pamela Baby, MySpace Will Get You Everytime

...Especially if you are using it to communicate with underage boys. The Guardian.co.uk reports that Pamela Rogers just can't quit the 13 year old basketball player that landed her a eight year suspended sentence. Had she taken my advice and hooked up with me, she could have satisfied the state with only nine months and would have stayed out on parole. But nooo, she didn't take up with a guy who is cooler than the other side of the pillow and instead went after a kid who is probably using his new found street cred to get hot girls his own age.

Here is a mirror of Pam's MySpace page, but all the videos and animations and useless crap made my computer kick me in the nuts. It is mildly NSFW, but will probably crash your system if you are running anything else - and all you need is the IT guy to find out you are doing nothing but looking at some sexy teacher's MySpace profile. Fortunately for me, I get mad props from my IT guys because I rarely ask for help and I remember obsure cartoon references - like when Cheetara from the Thundercats was naked.

On the subject of teachers - how bad is it that I kept referring to a professor from the University of West Georgia as a "school teacher?" At first I was being funny, but when she put her hair up, I couldn't stop. She kept getting really pissed, and kept trying to make a retort about her Ph.D and crap. I'm not sorry - when I am staring at her abundance of cleavage and my empty glass, saying "hey, professor, get me another pitcher" doesn't really seem appropriate. Then again, my Wash U educated friend who taught at Emory and Georgia State never needs to be asked - he makes sure the glasses are always full. And that my friends, is the evidence of a high quality education.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Life Imitating Family Guy - More Teacher Sex

Let's see... seduce kids and have your husband killed - that was an episode of Family Guy right? I can't wait for the A-Team Family Guy episode to come true too.

As a public service, I am just going to make myself available to any attractive teachers who need to let off some steam, so to speak. Unfortunately, Sharon Linton Rutherford is ineligible. Why would a teacher have sex with as many as four different students in a small town school with only 110 kids? I don't care where you are - if you are banging 3.6% of the occupants of any single building - someone is going to talk. You might get away with that shit in Chicago, where everything is fair game, but the local PD in Coffeeville, Alabama is going to jump all over you because they don't have shit to do.

Good grief, is high school like a big orgy these days? The female teachers are banging the students, or trying to - and the female students, if they listen to Sharon Stone, will suck you off just for throwing your hat in the ring. Not to mention that both female teachers and students today are 150 times hotter than I remember.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

More Teacher Sex - Not Pretty

What is cheaper? Renting "Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigalo" and buying a case of Keystone, or paying over $500K bail for banging a 13-year old boy in Deleware? Don't get me wrong, Rachel Holt is ugly - but that's not the point. Sometimes when you just can't find anyone at the bar, you are better off staying home alone. Then again, how much would you pay to have sex 28 times in one week? I haven't even come close to that, even with multiple women in that week. The closest I came was... damn, I got in a lot of trouble the last time I mentioned that in public.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Wow... Time To Change My Game

Most times I take a totally unserious approach to talking to women. For example, if a girl I have zero connection with asks me what I do, I typically tell her I am a lion tamer. Then I back it up with stories of taming ligers in Pine Mountain, GA. Hell, now my new thing saying I am a chupacabra hunter - I figure I can make more shit up as I go along on that one. Which is a good thing because I actually ran into a girl who knew something about lion taming.

Over the last few weeks I learned that Strawberry Fields only works on women under the age of 24. I tried it on a hot 29 y/o Danish pyschology Ph.D student, no good - although she laughed and it did spark some conversation and good natured mocking of me. Almost six months ago I tried it on a decent looking 32 y/o brunette High School chemistry teacher, and got a decent response, but no number or love. That is, until I ran into her last night when she was pretty toasted. And man, did she let me have it - talking about how I am judgmental, and mean, and just wrong for making her feel bad about herself. She even remembered her responses to the questions and said I just verbally attacked her in front of everybody. Which I probably did, but hey - I am building rapporte - it's ok. Now she hates me and all my friends.

In my defense: I may be an asshole, but some people need to get a grip.

Category:

• Relationships

Another Horny Teacher is Sentenced

http://www.wchstv.com/newsroom/eyewitness/0603/060322-1.shtml

But this one, Toni Woods, is going to jail for long time. She is getting 4-20 years for banging four boys (all under the age of 16), while our LaFave sex teacher goes free.

What's the difference? According to parents, the multiple children affected makes the crime that much worse.

As for me, I think the fact that Debbie is hot as hell and obviously has bad judgment inspired the prosecutor to be lenient. After all, she has GOT to be really easy, right?

Category:

• TeacherWatch

No Jail Time for Hottie Sex Teacher

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060321/ap_on_re_us/teacher_sex

Turns out that the mother of the lucky or unlucky (right...) boy doesn't want her son on the witness stand, so the Marion County prosectutor had to settle for a shitty plea deal. The judge rejected said shitty deal based on the lack of prison time, but without the boy's live testimony the prosectutor was screwed - so he drops the charges.

Debra LaFave still has to serve three years house arrest plus seven years probation - so no hot scenes of her in prison with the dirty punk rocker girl are going to come to fruition. Never fear, Spring Break for secondary schools just started - I am sure she is free for anyone making a trip to South Florida. I'd bring a Health book along if I were you.

That's It! I'm Going Back To High School!

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48502

Seriously, why not. I could kick ass as a varsity offensive lineman, get my old job at the construction company and drive a truck, and bang hot horny teachers who have it in for 9th graders.

Here is a quiz. Guess what these women have in common: Amber Jennings, Angela Comer, Angela Stellwag, Deanne Bobo, Heather Ingram, Kristen Margrif, Margeret De Barraicua, Nicole Long, Samantha Solomon, and Rhianna Ellis.

Give up? These women are all convicted of having sex with minors, and guess what ladies and gentlemen - they are all hot enough to have anybody. Click the link above for pics of these women - most of them look very decent in their mugshots... just think what they would look like out on a normal date! Hell, even if they liked them on the young side - there has GOT to be a community college or some trade school with plenty of 18-19 year old guys who would jump at the chance to live out a "My First Sex Teacher" porno scene.

The worst is that it makes the people of Caterina Bonci's Catholic school sound prudent. I guarantee all those still chaste nuns will be reading Whistleblowers's PREDATORS with a gasp and a snicker.

I mean, "Come on!"

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Boys... They Are Growing So Fast These Days

Yahoo! News

How else can a woman justify having sex with an 11 year old boy? Can he even get it up at that point? Good mercy, this chick isn't even attractive like the others. So now, because that prepubescent boy was so charming, Wendie Schweikert is being held on $100,000 bond and is now a social pariah. Great, now that bond issue on raising teacher's salaries in Laurens, SC has the political push it needs to win in November.

When I have a son, I am teaching him how to run when he is three.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

When MILFs Attack

http://www.nwanews.com/bcdr/News/29924/

This one is actually kinda bad, since Mrs. Donna Sue allegedly forced herself on the 13 year old boy in the story. Oh, and she has AIDS, and knew it. Wow, giving AIDS to a preteen just sorta kills that whole teacher fantasy doesn' it? At least with mono she could say the boy could have picked it up anywhere.

This issue has been debated before - but how is it possible to for a woman to force oral sex on a male? I've heard the stories of men being raped and could not control the erection from happening during vaginal intercourse, but at least with fellatio you could break her nose with your pelvic bone or something - or make her choke.

EDIT: Here is a great article talking about the female pedophile phenomenon. Interestingly enough, the author argues that the news reports are a good sign. He believes this stuff has ALWAYS been going on, it is just recently that these women are being caught and are being prosecuted. He also has a great argument as to why these women get lighter sentences than men - usually because rarely are the women serial abusers, and the boys are rarely under 13 years old, all factors in sentencing.

Category:

• TeacherWatch

Not Again!?!! - 37-Year Old Woman Arraigned For Screwing Kid

http://www.accessnorthga.com/news/hall/newfullstory.asp?ID=98854

These stories really do pop up about once a month. In Coletrain.org's continuing coverage of MilfWatch 2005, we learn the story of Lisa (middle name omitted because she is not an assasin) Clark, a divourced woman who started a relationship with her son's classmate - got pregnant, and then married him. Now the boy was 15 and did not have parental consent to the marriage, but thanks to Georgia's Shotgun Wedding clause (not the official name, just calling 'em how I see 'em) in the marriage statute - the couple were able to marry due to the pregnancy. And a day later police got around to responding to the grandmother's criminal complaint about the whole affair - filed five weeks previous. I guess even Gainsville police believe in the power of love. Or won't deny a teenager the ability to fulfill his MilfHunter.com fantasies.

Now while this woman is obviously backwoods, she isn't all that unattractive for being damned near 40. Hell, even the Justice of the Peace who married the couple thought she was in her early 20s. When asked by ABCNews reporters why go so young, she said "Well, I married someone my age, and that didn't work out. I dated guys my age and that didn't work out either." Now while this woman is obviously backwoods... Wait, that wasn't me repeating myself - that just true for different reasons. Then she goes into a history lesson about 13-year old girls being sold into marriage for land and cattle or some claptrap. Of course, back then the survival rate was much lower - a low rate that made it possible for a fatass like Benjamin Franklin to be considered the pimpass playa of his day. (The friggin History Channel did a story of his exploits - with commercials filmed to the theme of Tone Loc's "Wild Thing!") Plus kids weren't any more mature then, but it didn't take much maturity to plow fields and kill British and such. Man, now that's what kids should be doing these days instead of screwing around on the internet reading about MILFs.

While I realize it is tough for an attractive single mother to realize that she is simply a failure with men - sometimes you just gotta suck it up and watch the soaps and eat bon-bons all day like a normal woman. It's like the aborted fetus that is post-modern feminism survived the Contract With America and climbed out of the dumpster for all to see. I mean, I like watching Emma Starr and her ilk online like any normal red-blooded American with high speed broadband - but think of the consequences if moms went around banging kids all the time? Hell, one of my good friend's has a very pretty wife who teaches High School! If I was him, I would make her quit and take a job as a kindergarten teacher in Barrington,IL - those kids will never have any game. The implications of this crap are just monstrous - I mean, fathers of gay kids will never deal with Junior's drama club chum screwing the missus while he is having another late night at the office/strip club. Lisa Clark and her ilk are turning the whole system upside down!

One last note: Qantas Airlines refuses to allow young girls flying alone to sit next to men, simply because there is a perception men will try something. Which is pure bullshit. Knowing what I know about Aussie women, much of that being influenced by friends, personal experience, and my wild imagination - I think that young boys flying alone should either sit next to men; or when sitting next to an older woman he should get a large blanket. No one wants to see that on such a long flight.

Category:

• TeacherWatch